


slut club

by bitchassfuckhead



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Crack, F/M, Good Parents Maggie & Wentworth Tozier, Marijuana, Swearing, Texting, but we do n o t talk abt the Peach Scene, crackfic, georgie is alive!!! bcos i simply cannot live without him, i love them okay???????, if u kno me irl n read this do not speak to me abt it unless ur bcg, iykyk, most of this is based off me n my friends, much talk abt call me by your name cos i’m gay and in denial, shout out to bathroom cry gang y’all bitches keep it real, theres a lot of swearing bcos i am a gen z and cannot write anything without the word fuck, there’s lots of ur mom jokes bcos... well obvious reason, they get high quite a bit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2020-10-11 14:57:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 21,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20548040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitchassfuckhead/pseuds/bitchassfuckhead
Summary: [bitchie] streaks no one hmu unless you kno whts wrong💔[billiam] oh my god shut u p[edwardo] stop being so dramatic i swear to fucking god[bitchie] i SAID[bitchie] streaks no one hmu unless you kno whts wrong[bevvy] i’m gonna commit a felony[bitchie] sounds fun bev b safe 😘





	1. Chapter 1

[richie added 6 users to a group chat!]

[richie named the group ‘slut club’!]

11:23PM

[richie] step right on up and join the slut club 

[stan] Please no i’m too tired

[richie] pLeAsE nO iM tOo TiReD 

[richie] stfu stan do i look like i care

[mike] don’t be fucking r u d e

[richie] are you JoKinG

[beverly] stop quoting vines i hear that enough from school

[richie] look at this fool 

[richie] tryna tell me how to live MY horrible life

[richie] smh my head

[bill] did you just

[bill] did you just fucking say smh my head

[richie] can’t you read?

[bill] i can read the words printed on your tombstone

[eddie] shots fired

[richie] shots fired of my load into ur mom

[eddie] choke

[richie] funny 

[richie] cos i was just saying that to ur mom last night

[eddie] rICHIE STOP

[richie] ur mom was saying the exact opposite 

[mike] permission to fight the boy?

[ben] idk who you’re talking about but permission granted

[richie] ok fight me mikey boy

[richie] do it bitch no balls

[mike] haha b e t

[beverly] oh he MAD mad

[stan] he whipped out the bet

[ben] we all know how much he hates “bet”

[bill] good luck richie

[richie] stop he isn’t gonna do anything lol

[beverly] mm sure

[richie] guys guys guys

[richie] he just threw a rock at my window 

[richie] my mother let hIM IN THE HUSE

[stan] House*

[richie] im gonna die and ur correcting me???

[richie] nvm lol we’re watching a movie now

[beverly] and you didn’t invite us? i am deeply hurt richard

[richie] chill bitch u guys can cum over

[stan] Come* 

[richie] everyone but stan

[stan] Okay that’s fair

[mike] nuh uh stanley the manly is coming and we’re all gonna have a good time god damnit

[bill] what movie are you guys watching?

[richie] mega mind

[bill] i expected nothing less


	2. lets talk about tiktok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [richie] ok first of all, rude
> 
> [richie] second of all, i made the chat so i play god
> 
> [eddie] mom said it’s my turn to play god

[slut club] 

[4:58PM]

[richie] the spelling of barbecue got me fucked up

[richie] i was really out here living my life not knowing how to spell barbecue 

[beverly] how did you think it was spelled?? 

[richie] uhhh

[richie] barbque 

[bill] whAt

[eddie] this just in, richie cannot spell

[stan] #exposed

[richie] yall just asking for a fight i stg

-

[slut club] 

[7:17PM]

[richie] guys i have a question 

[stan] What is it?

[richie] would yall suck dick for weed

[richie] it’s for science

[ben] who says i haven’t already?

[ben] jk i wouldn’t 

[richie] prude 

[beverly] it depends

[beverly] who’s dick would it be?

[richie] god

[beverly] he doesn’t need me to suck his dick

[beverly] he’ll get too powerful

[richie] i’d suck gods dick and give HIM weed

[eddie] why does he need weed?

[eddie] can’t he just like.... make the weed? 

[bill] if god can turn water into wine he can turn air into weed

[mike] things bill said: that 

-

[slut club]

[11:35PM]

[richie] you guys wanna hear some cannibal jokes?

[stan] Never

[beverly] always

[richie] what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend

[mike] what?

[richie] he wiped his ass

[ben] i don’t get it??

[ben] o h

[beverly] i nEarLy SCREAMEDEFDKF

[richie] two cannibals are eating a clown, one turns to the other and says, “does this taste funny to you?”

[eddie] die

[richie] two clowns are eating a cannibal, one turns to the other and says, “i think we did the joke wrong”

[eddie] omg haha sooo funny 

[eddie] i had such a good laugh

[richie] damn eds no need for sarcasm 

[eddie] call me eds one more time i swear to fucking god i’ll rip of your arm, shove it up your ass, and make it come out your mouth

[richie] hot

-

[slut club]

[1:48AM]

[beverly] let’s talk about tiktok 

[beverly] omg that rhymed

[mike] what a queen 

[stan] A poet and she didn’t even know it.

[beverly] anywho

[beverly] tiktok

[richie] tiktok ruined my life

[eddie] aww just like you ruined mine <3

[richie] :(

[beverly] i always hated tiktok with a passion and now?

[beverly] i’m a slut for tiktok 

[bill] aren’t we all

[richie] my name isn’t tiktok

[beverly] shut up richie

[stan] yeah shut up richie

[mike] yeah shut up richie

[ben] yeah shut up richie

[eddie] yeah shut up richie

[bill] yeah shut up richie

[richie] thanks guys <3

-

[slut club] 

[2:18AM]

[bill] so i’m sitting here 

[beverly] barbecue sauce on my titties

[bill] sO i’m sitting here

[bill] i got kinda hungry so i got up to get a lil snacky y’know?

[bill] and georgie ate my fucking yogurt 

[richie] haha get rekt billiam 

[bill] die

[richie] ok first of all, rude

[richie] second of all, i made the chat so i play god

[eddie] mom said it’s my turn to play god

[bill] but i am m a d !!! 

[bill] georgie had his own fucking yogurt??? and he chose to eat mine????

[stan] That’s what it sounds like, Billiam 

[bill] enough! with! the! billiam!

[richie] sorry what was that billiam? i couldn’t hear you over your own stupidity 

[bill] this is why i cant have nice things

[richie] you love us

[bill] no.


	3. damn karen really be out here not respecting the drip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [richie] you are
> 
> [beverly] my fire
> 
> [richie] my one
> 
> [beverly] desire

[slut club]

[1:43PM]

[stan] Richie is on crack.

[mike] we’ve been done knew

[stan] Has he mentioned the fish theory yet?

[beverly] the w h a t

[richie] that reminds me

[richie] have y’all heard the fish theory???

[bill] no

[bill] but please do explain

[richie] ok so, y’know how the worlds ending?? what if it’s the fish who are behind it. like the fish grew legs and can breathe on land and they created the world ending stuff as a diversion to what’s really going on. 

[richie] the fish plan to kill all the humans and get their revenge.

[beverly] oh so you on CRACK crack

[richie] no seriously like it would make sense. would you really suspect fish to end the world? no.

[eddie] lay off the drugs richie

[richie] fuck you all

[richie] when you call me saying the fish with legs stabbed you i ain’t gonna do shit except say i told you so

-

[slut club] 

[9:06PM]

[beverly] damn karen really be out here not respecting the drip

[stan] Yeah

[stan] Respect the drip, Karen. 

[richie] fuck you and fuck your drip - karen

[beverly] the drip!!

[richie] what was that? i couldn’t hear you over the sound of me not respecting the drip

[beverly] k a r e n !

-

[slut club] 

[11:41PM] 

[richie] i saw a post on tumblr n it’s totally eddie

[ben] what did it say?

[richie] “people complain about my fanny pack during sex until they realized the snacks are for the both of us”

[stan] Yeah makes sense.

[eddie] ok first of all whore bag

[eddie] that is not true 

[richie] mm sure eds 

[richie] deny the truth 

[eddie] it is n o t the truth

[richie] are you calling me a liar?

[eddie] well i ain’t calling you a truther 

[beverly] damn eddie you really be walking around denying straight up facts?

[richie] somebody lookin like a k l o w n

[eddie] i hate you 

[richie] <3

-

[slut club]

[12:43AM]

[ben] lets be real

[ben] no matter how old you were, coraline probably scared you

[mike] i don’t appreciate being called out like this

[bill] georgie is still scared of it

[bill] if he comes downstairs while i’m watching he forces me to turn it off

[richie] wow bill being overpowered by a 9 year old

[bill] stfu he’s very scary 

[beverly] ok but like coraline is fucked and i love it

[richie] coralines dad can get it tho 

[eddie] get what?

[eddie] o h n o

[richie] yeah, i’d fuck coralines dad but so what

[richie] who wouldn’t ?

[eddie] me

[stan] me

[ben] me

[beverly] me

[bill] me

[mike] me

[richie] guess you guys just have horrible taste 

[stan] Sure.

-

[slut club]

[1:47AM]

[eddie] welcome everybody to tta 

[beverly] what the fuck is tta 

[eddie] tiktok anonymous 

[beverly] oh yeah ok

[eddie] we are gathered here today because richie is a fucking tiktok slut

[richie] you’re just jealous coz tiktok has my full attention 

[stan] Nobody ever wants your attention but go off i guess. 

[richie] but fine i’ll play along

[richie] i’m richie and i get off by watching tiktoks

[eddie] hi richie

[eddie] wait

-

[slut club]

[2:33AM]

[richie] hump me

[richie] fuck me

[beverly] daddy better make me choke

[richie] you better

[beverly] hump me

[richie] fuck me

[beverly] my tunnel loves a deepthroat 

[richie] lick lick lick lick

[beverly] i wanna eat yo dick

[riche] but i can’t fuck up my nails

[beverly] so ima pick it up wit chopsticks

[richie] mouth wide open

[beverly] mouth wide open like i was at the dentist 

[richie] mouth wide open 

[beverly] mouth wide open

[richie] put it so deep i can’t speak a sentence 

[beverly] mouth wide open 

[richie] mouth wide open like i was at the dentist

[beverly] mouth wide open

[richie] mouth wide open put it so deep i can’t speak a sentence 

[stan] my fingas in it gentle

[richie] FUCK YEAH

-

[slut club] 

[3:57AM]

[ben] i’m peppa pig

[richie] h o nK

[beverly] this is my little brother george 

[bill] hOnK

[richie] this is mommy pig

[ben] h O N k

[beverly] and this is daddy pig

[richie] hOnkOoNNkKkOZkKo

-

[beverly - richie]

[4:23AM]

[beverly] ben just sent me an audio recording of him singing i want it that way 

[beverly] is this what love feels like

[richie] yes

[richie] bens a keeper

[beverly] now i have the backstreet boys stuck in my head

[richie] you are

[beverly] my fire

[richie] my one

[beverly] desire 

[richie] believe 

[beverly] when i say

[richie] i want it that way

[beverly] tell me w h y

[richie] AINT NOTHIN BUT A HEARTACHE

[beverly] TELL ME WHY

[richie] AINT NOTHIN BUT A MISTAKE

[beverly] i NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU ~SAY~

[richie] I WANT IT THAT WAYYY

[beverly] we skipped a whole portion didn’t we

[richie] yeah i think we did


	4. i put my dick in a bag of doritos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [eddie] i am NOT butthurt
> 
> [eddie] i just hate you all

[slut club] 

[12:32AM]

[eddie] fine

[eddie] kick my ass at mario kart. see if i care

[richie] it kinda sounds like you do 

[eddie] iT kiNdA sOunDs LiKe yOu dO

[eddie] shut the fuck up

[beverly] damn eddie, no need to get this butthurt over mario kart

[eddie] i am NOT butthurt

[eddie] i just hate you all

[beverly] we love you 2 <3

[richie] speak for urself 

-

[slut club]

[1:19AM]

[richie] you all suck and so do your names

[richie changed bill’s user to ‘billiam’!]

[billiam] omg soooo original

[richie] would you rather me call you daddy? cause i 100% will

[eddie] sounds gay but ok

[richie changed eddie’s user to ‘edwardo’!]

[edwardo] choke.

[richie] if you’re offering 

[edwardo] jhgkeifskfhdjcj

[richie changed stan’s user to ‘twitter stan’!]

[twitter stan] You are just so fucking hilarious bitchie, i am laughing so fucking hard rn.

[twitter stan] Richie**

[billiam] we all know it wasn’t an accident 

[twitter stan] ;)

[bitchie changed their user to ‘bitchie’!]

[bitchie changed mike’s user to ‘farm papi’!]

[bitchie changed ben’s user to ‘benis’!]

[benis] what does this even m e a n

[bitchie] it’s like penis but with a b ;)

[bitchie changed beverly’s user to ‘bevvy’!]

[twitter stan] How come Bev gets a normal name?

[bitchie] cause she’s my fav get with the program 

[edwardo] hurtful

-

[slut club]

[2:31AM]

[bitchie] i put my dick in a bag of doritos

[edwardo] i’m sorry 

[edwardo] you did w h A t

[bitchie] wait no it’s a song

[bevvy] y’know what else is a song? ;)

[bevvy] itchin n burnin itchin n burnin

[bitchie] itchin n burnin itchin n burnin

[bevvy] stanky fishy stanky fishy

[bitchie] fishy stanky fishy stanky

[bevvy] i got stds

[edwardo] WHaT

[bitchie] they make my coochie itch

[twitter stan] You guys quoting your stupid fucking songs i swear to god one day i’m gonna lose it.

[bitchie] you haven’t already?

-

[slut club]

[3:01AM]

[bitchie] simon can get it

[twitter stan] Who????

[bitchie] uh bitch? simon? the sexiest one from alvin n the chipmunks??

[edwardo] not this again jfc 

[bevvy] uh whore? it always has and always will be theodore

[farm papi] are yall fr

[bitchie] what? you here to judge us mikey boy??

[farm papi] i’m here to judge your taste in chipmunks

[farm papi] the sexiest will a l w a y s be alvin

[farm papi] you knowwww alvin can throw it back for a real one

[bevvy] w h a t

[bitchie] alvin can throw it back for a real one!! catch up bev

[bevvy] I JIST GOOGLED IT WHY WOULD OUR PRESH MIKEy BOY SAY SUCHA THING?!?!

[bitchie] i think bev had a stroke 

-

[slut club]

[4:53AM]

[bitchie] bitches drink monster and don’t know how to act

[bitchie] it’s me

[bitchie] i’m bitches


	5. sandwich smoothie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [benis] sandwich smoothie
> 
> [bevvy] sandwich smoothie 
> 
> [farm papi] sandwich smoothie 
> 
> [bitchie] sandwich smoothie

[slut club]

[4:34PM]

[bevvy] hi everybody, good morning. do turtles throw up

[benis] yeah? 

[bitchie] jfc beverly it’s too early i basically JUST woke up 

[edwardo] at 4 pm?

[bitchie] yeah? what’s your beef sis

[edwardo] say that again and i’ll put my ‘beef’ up your ass

[bitchie] yO WHAT

[edwardo] i DIDNTN MEAN IT LIKE THATF

[bevvy] ok lets go back to talking about turtle barf

-

[slut club]

[5:42PM]

[bitchie] Yo Bitch Call Me Subway Cause I Got A Footlong

[edwardo] pl e a se st op

[bitchie] you should know by now that i will never stop

[edwardo] i wish you would stop

[edwardo] breathing 

[bitchie] :/

[twitter stan] Why the hell did you type it like that?

[bitchie] because i can stanny ;)

[twitter stan] Call me Stanny again and i stg i will fight you in a walmart yogurt isle. 

[bitchie] awww such a romantic first date <3

[twitter stan] Fuck off, shitface.

[bitchie] <3

-

[slut club] 

[7:07PM]

[benis] what if there was a sandwich smoothie

[benis] like the milk would be mayonnaise and the fruit/added stuff is meat and cheese and bread

[benis] sandwich smoothie

[farm papi] no thank you 

[bevvy] babe ily but that’s horrifying 

[bitchie] i thought you were gonna say something less cursed 

[bitchie] like a pb&j smoothie jesus christ 

[benis] nope

[benis] sandwich smoothie

[bevvy] sandwich smoothie 

[farm papi] sandwich smoothie 

[bitchie] sandwich smoothie 

-

[slut club]

[9:01PM]

[bitchie] i wonder if i could overdose on teeth

[edwardo] that is so unbelievably disgusting oh my god

[benis] you can choke on them and they could block your digestive system but i don’t really think that counts as overdosing

[billiam] why do you know that

[bitchie] thx benny boy i’ll keep it in mind for next time ;)

[edwardo] next time what?

[bitchie] ;)

[edwardo] jfc i can never win with you 

[bitchie] (;

-

[slut club]

[11:31PM]

[bitchie] is megamind hot? lets dicuss.

[bevvy] uhhh i think the fuck not 

[bitchie] whore megamind is sexy asf

[bevvy] no he’s not ur just lonely 

[bitchie] we’re not talking about me bitch we’re talking about megamind!!!

[farm papi] yeah i guess megamind is kinda cute

[bitchie] see! mike gets it! and he’s like a prude

[farm papi] hey :(

[bitchie] sorry papi <3

[farm papi] :)

[edwardo] megamind isn’t hot. you’re all on crack

[bitchie] megamind is sexy as shit change my mind

[bevvy] bitch he ain’t sexy! 

[bitchie] megamind is attractive as hell, you guys are just mean :(

[bevvy] i am not having this conversation anymore

[bitchie] fine shitstick walk away from me AND megamind

[bevvy] gladly


	6. Soup Trauma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [edwardo] what The Fuck Is Up With Soup
> 
> [edwardo] in this essay i will-

[slut club]

[2:59PM]

[bevvy] who’s down to fight eddies mom wit me

[farm papi] i’m always down to fight that bitch

[bevvy] she kept giving me dirty looks :(

[edwardo] she just keeps getting worse n worse dear god

[bevvy] one day i’m gonna lose it and shove a raccoon up her ass

[benis] i’m not sure what i was expecting but it definitely wasn’t that

[bitchie] wait we shoving raccoons up mrs k’s ass??? 

[bitchie] you pray and pray but you never think it’ll happen

[twitter stan] Fun fact it’s actually possible,

[twitter stan] The human ass can stretch up to 8 inches (i think?) and raccoons can fit in 4 inch holes.

[bevvy] thank u for this information stanley 

-

[slut club]

[4:18PM]

[edwardo] what The Fuck Is Up With Soup

[edwardo] in this essay i will-

[bitchie] what the fuck do you mean what’s up with soup

[edwardo] i mean exactly what i fucking said richard

[edwardo] who actually likes soup?? it’s just warm wet

[twitter stan] Bitch-

[bitchie] warm wet? what the fuck is your crackhead self talking about 

[edwardo] soup is disgusting fight me

[edwardo] it’s just chunky warm wetness 

[bevvy] not this shit again

[benis] again? he’s done this before??

[bevvy] oh u know he has

[bevvy] eddie, honey u need to get over ur Soup Trauma

[edwardo] i don’t have soup trauma bitch

[bevvy] we’re here 4 u <3

[edwardo] i hate you all

-

[slut club] 

[6:42PM]

[bitchie] no tea no shade but i hate the fact that teeth are just there

[bitchie] they just sit there in my mouth

[bitchie] just bein teeth

[bevvy] i can fix that 

[bitchie] what

[bitchie] what does that mean

[bevvy] oh u know what it means :)

[twitter stan] Why can we ever have a normal fucking conversation in this group chat.

[bevvy] if you think this is weird you should see how we have conversations in real life;)

[twitter stan] I do? And i hate every moment of it.

[bitchie] aww that’s our boy :)

-

[slut club] 

[7:04PM]

[billiam] when i was 7 i tried to have pet worms and they all died:(

[bevvy] damn rip in pieces

[bitchie] would you guys raise pet worms with me

[edwardo] no

[twitter stan] Probably not.

[farm papi] depends

[billiam] yeah

[bitchie] thank u! 

[bitchie] now we can raise our bbies 

[billiam] co parenting

[billiam] bro parenting if you will

[bitchie] bro

[bitchie] i’ve waited all my life to hear those words

[billiam] bro

-

[slut club] 

[8:23PM]

[bevvy] me n ben are dancing to mamma mia while our chicken nuggets cook. this is love

[bitchie] baby don’t hurt me

[bevvy] i said ‘this is love’ not ‘what is love’ dipshit

[bitchie] rude.

[billiam] you guys are making nugs without us ? :( i’m heartbroken 

[bevvy] come over we got so many fucking nuggets

[billiam] :))

[twitter stan] I’m coming too.

[bevvy] <3

[bitchie] hey i want in on this nugget action :(((

[bevvy] u all can come

[bevvy] also, never say nugget action

[bitchie] i can’t argue with that


	7. man door hand hook car door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [farm papi] they always ask “are you a furry?”
> 
> [farm papi] but never “what’s your fursona?”
> 
> [bevvy] rip
> 
> [benis] we live in a society

[slut club]

[11:20] 

[bitchie] it’s a school night 

[bitchie] i have homework 

[bitchie] but what am i doing?

[bitchie] i’m watching law and order

[bevvy] that’s my boy

[billiam] so what’s the problem then? sounds like a pretty bangin night

[edwardo] did you just fucking say banging

[billiam] and? what’s your beef sis

[twitter stan] Bill, are you possessed??

[billiam] no i’m just getting lit

[billiam] #yolo

[billiam] #savetheturtles

[bitchie] #die

[billiam] sksksksks n i oop

[bevvy] p l e a s e stop bill

[benis] i’m going to have an aneurism

[billiam] then have one.

[billiam] cos this vsco gurl ain’t going no where

[bitchie] “gurl” i-

-

[slut club] 

[12:02PM]

[bevvy] denim tie

[bevvy] die 

[bitchie] denim boots 

[bitchie] doots

[benis] have you guys seen croc martens

[bitchie] i need a pair omg 

[bevvy] for my birthday i want birkencrocs

[billiam] croc snoot boots

[billiam] snow**

[bevvy] fucifn snoot boots dodhsididkjf

[bitchie] THEYD BE CALLED SNORCS

[bevvy] NO THEY WOULDNT BUT THATS FUCKIN HILARIOUS 

[twitter stan] Hoes, go to sleep or i will fight all of you.

[bitchie] okay mommy stan <3

[twitter stan] Choke, you end piece of bread.

[bitchie] you truly wound me stanny

[twitter stan] Good.

-  
[slut club]

[4:51PM]

[billiam] GEORGIE JUST HIT ME WITH UPDOG

[farm papi] did you fall for it??

[billiam] YES DISJDJJS

[bitchie] how did a nine year old manage to make you fall for updog

[billiam] I DONT KNOW OKAY

[benis] wait, what’s updog?

[bitchie] NOTHING WHATS UP WITH YOU

[bevvy] JSHDKSKDJFI

[benis] oh you sly little bastard

[edwardo] i can’t believe you guys are all collectively having a stroke

[bevvy] #goalz am i right boys

[twitter stan] No.

[bitchie] i will not hesitate to kick you out of our precious losers club whore

[twitter stan] Oh yeah, i’ve been meaning to ask,

[twitter stan] Why is the groupchat name slut club and not losers club?

[bitchie] becos ur a slut

[twitter stan] I walked in on that one, didn’t i?

[bevvy] hell yeah you did 

-

[slut club]

[5:17PM]

[edwardo] so

[edwardo] i’m chilling at rich’s place, and we’re just kinda chilling in silence.

[edwardo] then, this dumb fuck asks me what is alaska

[bitchie] I DIDNT KNOW OK? ITS NOT MY FAULT

[edwardo] YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A COUNTRY???

[bitchie] HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW

[billiam] when georgie found out alaska was a state he cried

[bevvy] there r only three genders!!!!

[bevvy] alaska, america, and canada!!!

[bevvy] thank you for coming to my ted talk

-

[slut club] 

[7:06PM]

[bitchie] you guys wanna hear a poem?

[edwardo] naw i’m good

[benis] you know i do

[bitchie] man & girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at on at a side of road. he turn to his girl and say: "baby, i love you very much" "what is it honey?" "our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken, ill walk and get some more fuel." "ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen." "good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty"  
so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby, he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and a voice say "LET ME IN"  
the girl doesn't do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door.

[benis] that was beautiful 

[bevvy] i’m tearing up

[bevvy] you got me at man door hand hook car door

[billiam] such a beautifully written piece 

-

[slut club] 

[11:01PM]

[bitchie] so i think we can all agree big bill here is a furry

[billiam] fuck you i am NOT a furry >:(

[twitter stan] You’re only further proving his point.

[billiam] :(

[bitchie] but what’s his fursona?¿?¿

[farm papi] they always ask “are you a furry?”

[farm papi] but never “what’s your fursona?”

[bevvy] rip

[benis] we live in a society 

[edwardo] personally, i think it’s a cat

[bitchie] that’s so basic

[bitchie] i think it’s a squirrel cause he’s tiny and angry

[bevvy] or a mouse

[bitchie] yeah or a mouse

[billiam] fuck you guys 

[billiam] but for your information, if i WAS a furry, which i am not. i would be a wolf.

[twitter stan] Don’t pull that bullshit. You’d be like an otter or some shit.

[edwardo] yeah wolves are too cool

[edwardo] no offense bill

[billiam] some taken yeah

-

[slut club]

[12:22AM]

[bitchie] sometimes being gay is all about making pillsbury halloween cookies on a friday night while listening to the backstreet boys

[twitter stan] You’re such a fucking asshole, Richie.

[bitchie] :0

[twitter stan] You know how much i love those stupid little fucking cookies, you jizz rag.

[bitchie] dude

[bitchie] i’m making fucking plenty

[bitchie] so get that juicy ass on over

[twitter stan] ... I’m interested.

[bitchie] that’s the spirit stan the man!

[twitter stan] But if i get caught i am 100% blaming you.

[bitchie] didn’t expect anything else ;)

-

[slut club]

[9:17AM] 

[bitchie] i am so! tired! of! waking! up! with! a! missing! sock!

[bitchie] catch me cutting of my feet cos this shit just ain’t worth it

[bevvy] if you cut off your feet i call dibs

[bitchie] w h at

[bevvy] i am extremely tired

[bevvy] you woke me up 

-

[slut club] 

[1:09PM]

[bevvy] looking up cause you let me down 

[bevvy] looking down cause you messed up

[bevvy] looking right cause you left

[bevvy] looking left because you didn’t treat me right

[farm papi] everything okay there beverly?

[bevvy] ben left me on read:(

[bitchie] i’m suing that beautiful bastard

[benis] I AM SO SORRY BEV I DIDNT MEAN TO

[benis] MY MOM CALLED ME TO HELP UNLOAD GROCERIES 

[bevvy] omg i love u sm <3

[benis] i love you too <333

[bitchie] so y’all m a d whipped

[twitter stan] Love story of the century tho.

[bevvy] no printer just fax

-

[slut club]

[3:30PM]

[billiam] yeah i’m crabby, and you wanna know why?

[billiam] because i can never fucking eat my favorite kind of cereal cause georgie’s always snatching my stuff like a fucking vulture

[bitchie] gasp

[bitchie] how dare you disrespect such a fucking legend

[edwardo] yeah how could you be so cruel to georgie 

[benis] what did he ever do to deserve this slander

[twitter stan] You should be ashamed of yourself.

[farm papi] i’m not mad, just disappointed 

[billiam] i say o n e bad thing about georgie and you guys fucking attack me god damn 

[bevvy] we can’t just sit here and let you shit talk such an amazing dude

[bitchie] yeah, georgie’s fuckin great man

[billiam] thank u :) 

[billiam] u are greate too:)

[billiam] incase you couldn’t tell, georgie took my phone

[bitchie] TELL GEORGIE I LOVE HIM AND IF ANYONE MESSES WITH HIM ILL BEAT THEIR ASSES

[billiam] he said “cool! ask if he’ll play mario kart with me”

[bitchie] fucking bet

[bitchie] i’m leaving right fucking now tell georgie i’m coming

[billiam] you all like my brother more than me smh

[bitchie] sorry it be like that tho ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[billiam] i mean 

[billiam] yeah i understand


	8. balls out for patrick swayze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [richie] i’m terrified of the backstreet boys
> 
> [ben] ?
> 
> [ben] tell me why

[slut club]

[3:19PM]

[bitchie] lets get one thing fucking straight 

[bevvy] lemme guess

[bevvy] you’re not?

[bitchie] nah bro i was gonna say dirty dancing is a fucking blessing

[bevvy] oh shit facts asf

[bitchie] dirty dancing is a masterpiece in this essay i will

[billiam] real talk tho i’m 100% in love with patrick swayze

[farm papi] who isn’t 

[bitchie] balls out for patrick swayze 

[bevvy] yo that’s so profound 

[bitchie] ikr

-

[slut club] 

[5:03PM]

[twitter stan] I can’t take Richie anywhere i swear to god.

[edwardo] oo what’d he do??

[bevvy] yeah spill the beans 

[twitter stan] We went to Target and we got separated, and instead of calling me like a normal fucking person he shouted “staniel” from across the fucking store.

[twitter stan] And then, i just see him fucking naruto running towards me like a fucking rat.

[billiam] i got secondhand embarrassment from just reading that

[bitchie] HEY

[bitchie] i’ll have you know i am a fucking treasure 

[billiam] i’ll believe it when i see it

[bitchie] ouch 

[bitchie] also

[bitchie] people take one look at me and go “is that man really drunk at five pm on a tuesday”

[bevvy] emotionally i am drunk at five pm on a tuesday

[benis] rt

[twitter stan] rt

[bitchie] rt

[billiam] rt

[edwardo] rt 

[farm papi] rt

-

[slut club] 

[7:56PM]

[billiam] YO

[billiam] gEOIGER IS LISTENING TO KPOP

[bitchie] “geoiger”

[bitchie] wait a min

[bevvy] kfuddksjfidj

[bevvy] #georgielistenstokpop2K19

[bitchie] geoiger*

[bevvy] blocked

[bitchie] wait i have something important to say

[bevvy] unblocked

[bitchie] bitch

[bevvy] gasp 

[benis] are we just gonna forget that georgie listens to kpop? cause i hope so

[billiam] lets never talk about georgie’s ‘phase’ ever again. deal?

[bitchie] iTs nOt A pHaSe mOm1!1!1

[billiam] double blocked 

[bitchie] :(

-

[richie - ben]

[8:38PM]

[richie] ben can i tell you something that’s been on my mind recently 

[ben] yeah! of course dude, what’s up?

[richie] i’m terrified of the backstreet boys

[ben] ?

[ben] tell me why 

[richie] DKDJSKFKDO

[richie took a screenshot!]

-

[slut club]

[8:41PM]

[richie] backstreetboys.jpg

[bevvy] KSJSLDKSKD B E N

[benis] i thought we were friends richie >:(

[bitchie] i’m sorry but i couldn’t pass up this amazing opportunity 

[billiam] i’m going to fucking cry ksjdksdj 

-

[slut club]

[9:08PM]

[benis] SO

[benis] ME AND BEVERLY WERE FACETIMING WHILE STUDYING AND IT GOT QUIET THEN OUT OF THE BLUE SHE SAID “if you fill a swimming pool with milk and you go under can you see light?”

[edwardo] Bi Tch

[bitchie] put a ring on her finger before i do 

[bevvy] would you see pitch black or pitch white

[twitter stan] Beverly, for the love of god never say anything like that again. 

[bevvy] shit if stan wants me to stop guess i gotta

[bevvy] said no one ever

[bevvy] also are we all just gonna forget the time richie asked if deaf girls masturbate with one hand so they can moan with the other 

[billiam] cancelled 

[benis] i second that

[farm papi] but? they’re not mute?? they can still moan.

[bitchie] I DIDNT ASK YOU NIKE

[edwardo] nike

[billiam] you think your life is hard?

[benis] i’m a high school junior wearing size 13 nike’s

[bevvy] MENS size 13 nikes 

[bitchie] that was so inspirational 

[billiam] yeah ig you could say it was woke af

[bitchie] blocked and reported

[billiam] bLoCkeD aNd rEpORtEd

[bitchie] mock me again see what happens 

[billiam] mOcK mE aGaIN sEE wHat hApPenS

[bitchie] that’s it

[billiam] watch, he ain’t gonna do shit

[bitchie] wAtcH, hE aINt gOnNa dO sHiT

[billiam] are you at my window 

[billiam] ARE YOU AT MY WINDOW

[billiam] HE THREW EGGS AT MY WINDOW YOU WHORE

[bevvy] rip

[benis] rip

[bitchie] drip 

[billiam] ok know you’ve done it 

[billiam] you woke up georgie

[bevvy] gasp what a douchebag

[twitter stan] It’s nine pm, why was he asleep?

[billiam] he’s a growing boy ok!!! he needs his beauty rest!!!

[billiam] also

[billiam] he may or may not be tired bcos he got into my stash of monster and stayed up till four am

[billiam] but maybe not so don’t go jumping to conclusions 

[edwardo] YOU LET HIM HAVE MONSTER? DO YOU KNOW HOW UNHEALTHY THAT IS??

[billiam] i didn’t mean to uwu

[twitter stan] did you just

[twitter stan] did you just fucking say the u word

[bitchie] only uwu can make stan give up proper punctuation 

[bevvy] it’s too powerful

[billiam] OwO

[bitchie] nya:3

[bevvy] rawr xd 

[benis] i used to be a furry

[bevvy] I CHOKED ON MY SPRITE ODJFKDKFK

[bitchie] i’m sorry

[bitchie] you wh a t?

[farm papi] why didn’t you bring this up when we made fun of bill for being a furry

[benis] shrug

[bitchie] i’m laufhing so hard i can’t breathehe 

[edwardo] laufhing 

[bitchie] shut the fuck up before i suck your moms ass through a mcdonald’s straw

[edwardo] that’s so fucking disgusting 

[edwardo] that’s also technically pedophila 

[bitchie] age is nothin but a number babe

[edwardo] so is 911

[bitchie] shit u rite fam

[edwardo] don’t fucking call me fam you dickwad

[bitchie] don’t fucking call me dickwad fam

[edwardo] i hope you choke

[bitchie] you offering? ;)

[bevvy] y’all nasty 

[billiam] yeah we’re children of god so move along sinners

[bitchie] how could you say such a thing :(

[benis] pick up your head princess your tiara is falling off

[bitchie] marry me

[benis] i can’t

[benis] i have my heart set on somebody else <3

[bevvy] awwww :)

[benis] danny devito 

[bitchie] damn bev, you just got friendzoned by ya own bf

[bevvy] bite me

[bitchie] kinky, i like it ;)


	9. outback steakhouse mac and cheese bites

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [billiam] my mom said i can’t drink mouthwash anymore
> 
> [bevvy] she’s cancelled
> 
> [bitchie] yeah bro

[slut club]

[2:11AM]

[bitchie] ugh i should go to bed but i can’t stop thinking about joe

[edwardo] who the fuck is joe and why are you thinking about him at two am???!

[bevvy] don’t even try it

[bitchie] joe mamma

[edwardo] are you fucking kidding me right now that is so immature 

[bitchie] what can i say eds, your mom really brings that out in me

[edwardo] no you’re always so fucking childish god i wish i could sue you or some shit

[bitchie] what the hell would you sue me for 

[edwardo] i don’t fucking know?? making too many stupid your mom jokes?

[bitchie] you can’t sue people for that dude

[edwardo] oh yeah? try me asshole

[bitchie] i mean.... if your offering to let me try your asshole;)

[edwardo] oh my gOD 

[edwardo] don’t even joke like that. that is so unsanitary jesus christ

[bitchie] i can make you say his name in a different way ;)

[edwardo] i. hate. you.

[bitchie] <333

-

[slut club]

[9:34AM]

[bevvy] happy no nut november boys!

[bitchie] omg so sweet of you bev:)

[billiam] no nut november? nah, i only know dickless december

[benis] no jack off january 

[farm papi] fapless february 

[twitter stan] I can’t put up you guys holy shit.

[twitter stan] But.....

[twitter stan] No masturbation March.

[bevvy] FUCK YEAH

[edwardo] i can’t believe i’m going to participate in this horrible conversation but i can’t pass up this amazing opportunity to use my creativity 

[edwardo] no ass april

[billiam] don’t make cum may

[bitchie] jizzless june

[benis] jack the bible not your dick july

[bevvy] no anal august

[farm papi] no sperm september 

[bitchie] no oral october 

[bevvy] omg we stan a creative friend group :0

[bitchie] rt

-

[slut club]

[11:01AM]

[billiam] my mom said i can’t drink mouthwash anymore

[bevvy] she’s cancelled

[bitchie] yeah bro 

[twitter stan] Wait, you’ve been drinking mouthwash?

[billiam] that’s not the point stan:(

[edwardo] bitch stop drinking mouthwash 

[billiam] you’re not my mom 

[bitchie] nah but he can be your daddy

[edwardo] boy if you don’t shut the fuck up

[bitchie] what’re you gonna do? spank me? ;)

[edwardo] i hope you drown

[bitchie] you have no idea how long i’ve waited to hear those words 

[edwardo] shut up

-  
[slut club]

[2:15PM]

[benis] i am drywall and god is a kid named kyle who just had a monster 

[farm papi] so poetic ben

[benis] thank you, i try

[bevvy] that was so inspirational 

[billiam] get you a man like ben

[bevvy] i did

[benis] omg guys stop i’m blushing uwu

[bitchie] :3

[benis] 0w0

[bitchie] owo

[bevvy] please i beg you guys to stop

[bitchie] oh ? your begging? kinky;)

[bevvy] blocked and reported

[bitchie] okay that’s fair

-

[beverly - ben]

[5:15PM]

[ben] other guys will feed you lies

[ben] but i’ll take you to mickey ds 

[beverly] awww you’re gonna make me cry in a walmart parking lot <3

[ben] :) <3

-

[slut club] 

[2:02AM] 

[bitchie] i havfe a test tomorrow but i can’t stop thinking about outback steakhouse mac and cheese bites 

[edwardo] sleep? bitch??

[bitchie] i fuckinf love outback drake back stake house their mac and cheese bites hit different they make me go oooo yes yum you feel me? they be hitting harder than my father like you take a bite n it’s like ooze he cheese n you dip in racnh and it be like yes papi mac anne cheese i love mac ands chess so much like so yummy delicious balls of cheesey noodles be like yesssssss papi fill me up with bites of mac and cheeese like ok daddy go off ig fuck yeah mac and cheese be like my heaven mac and cheese bites are the light of my life and the reason i get up in the morning like i want to impregnate macn and cheese botes like id shove mac and cheese bites up my ass on the down low tho i’m in love with mac and cheese bites were gonna go on a date i’ll be nervous but it’ll go great and i’ll ask mac bites on a second date then a third and you know what goes down on the third date n ill take mac and bites cheese back to my place and little bit of foreplay and then the deed them well fall alseep amd i’ll make mac nad cheeswbit breakfast when they wake up and then they’ll leave but not before a goodbye kiss and we’ll date for a year until i pop the question and they’ll say yes and we’ll get married in the fall and have beautiful babbies and we’ll grow old together in a nice house and eventually they’ll fall sick and ill spend my entire day with them in the hospital while the kids are in school and one day while i’m making food i’ll get the call saying my love mac and cheese bites had passed away and i’ll cry and cry and comfort my babies and we’ll have a funeral and itll be so emotional and ill breakdown and kill myself leavung everything to my kids the end

[edwardo] there is so many spelling errors in this you’re gonna give me an aneurism 

[bitchie] mac andnvheese bites tho bro

[edwardo] shut the fuck up and go to sleep and maybe i’ll buy you mac and cheese bites 

[bitchie] deal no take backs

[edwardo] fine jfc

-

[slut club]

[6:03AM]

[bevvy] what the fuck i just woke up why does my blanket smell like chex mix

[bevvy] i h a t e chex mix

[bitchie] eat the blanket

[bevvy] i j u s t said i hate it 

[bitchie] taste doesn’t matter when there’s blankets to be eaten 

[bevvy] w u h h

[bevvy] stop

[bitchie] you telling me you don’t eat your blankets? bitch?

[bevvy] yeah 

[bevvy] i guess i am

[bevvy] whore.

[bitchie] back in my day eating blankets was the highlight of my whole year

[farm papi] hey guys what the hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe fun fact the mac and cheese part was just something i randomly wrote and decided to add it into the chapter ;)


	10. horse cock

[slut club]

[8:31PM] 

[benis] beverly i love you but can you please stop talking about your horse cock

[farm papi] i’m sorry,,,,

[farm papi] her WH aT

[bevvy] my big fat fucking horse cock mike

[billiam] omg beverly stop it i’m gonna cry

[bevvy] what do you want me to do bill? get rid of my fat slab of cock?

[twitter stan] I am going to commit a felony.

[bevvy] mhmm you go do that stanley i’ll be sitting over here with my legs spread so i can sit comfortably with my massive horse dick

[bitchie] beverly, my love, my light, my horse cock babe, please i beg of you stop

[edwardo] yeah you know you’ve gone too far when richie tells you to stop

[bevvy] you guys don’t understand what it’s like to have a dick

[billiam] wh a

[bevvy] this is who i am now

[bevvy] i am horse cock

[twitter stan] I do not want to deal with this right now, goodnight.

[farm papi] but it’s only eight

[twitter stan] I said,

[twitter stan] goodnight.

[edwardo] yeah no i can’t keep doing this. bev, please stop talking about your non existent dick

[bevvy] this is sexism i’m telling you

[benis] i’m going to cry this is so horribly funny 

[bevvy] my horse penis isn’t meant to be funny ben >:(

[benis] i-

[bitchie] while bevs talking about her horsey penis i’m gonna watch the magic school bus 

[farm papi] don’t even joke about that bro i love that show

[bitchie] mmm well.... if you wanna watch it wink wonk

[farm papi] bruh i’m on my fucking way 

[edwardo] how the fuck did this start from bev talking about horse dick and now magic school bus?¿?¿

[bitchie] that’s just how it be in slut club

[farm papi] preach it

-

[slut club]

[9:08PM] 

[farm papi] bruh richies voice got snatched 

[bitchie] it’s not my fault you make me scream with how much you fucking suck at mario

[farm papi] y o u threw m e in the lava don’t even @ me dude

[bitchie] excuses excuses 

[farm papi] bitch-

[twitter stan] Bill, i think we’re witnessing a gay duel.

[billiam] fjdjfdjhd

[bitchie] stop quoting your fucking shows bitch

[twitter stan] Dickwad.

[bitchie] shit stick

[twitter stan] Fuck face.

[bitchie] saggy nipple

[twitter stan] W h a t

[bitchie] i don’t fucking know stan, do i look like i have any idea what i’m doing?

[twitter stan] You do not.

-

[slut club]

[2:10AM]

[twitter stan] everything costs so much money and you need money to live and buy food to live but then you gotta work and get money and then you have to give money you made because of taxes and then you buy a house and stuff to live and a car to get places to make money and fuck sometimes people have kids and then they need to make even more money so their kids can have an enjoyable life and fuck it’s so much money you gotta make fuck

[twitter stan] and then you have to buy plates and stuf to eat food on and then you have to wash them to use them again to eat on them to wash them to use them again to eat on them to wash them to use them again to eat on them to wash them to use them aga

[billiam] hey uh you ok there stan??

[twitter stan] yes

[bevvy] stanny i love you but you should probably get sleep since it’s a thursday and yknow,,, school

[twitter stan] Mm yeah you’re right lol 

[twitter stan] gnight

[billiam] gnight <3

-

[slut club]

[7:29AM] 

[twitter stan] Regarding my uh, rant last night, i am still going Feral over how expensive just living is.

[bitchie] lets go Feral together 

[bitchie] bcos i am Piss bcos literally everything costs money and i don’t have a j o b

[bitchie] so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under

[twitter stan] Facts.

[edwardo] hey uh ik you guys are having a yknow.. crisis.. but bill can i come over after school and play mario kart with you

[billiam] ofc you can bitch

[edwardo] hell yeah

[bevvy] omg i want in too!!

[farm papi] same:)

[billiam] how about you all come over after :)

[bitchie] how can i resist you and your precious smiley faces 

[billiam] nvm you all can come except richie 

[bitchie] yeah okay thts fair


	11. thick and tired of being thepped on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [edwardo] so you’d be fine if you killed your mom??
> 
> [bitchie] what ever happens happens

[slut club]

[11:13PM]

[benis] yeah i’m thick 

[benis] thick and tired of being thepped on

[bevvy] stop it i’m cryign dkfjdj

[farm papi] who hurt you 

[benis] life hurt me 

[bitchie] that’s so deep

[bitchie] can we get an f in the chat

[edwardo] no

[bitchie] damn

[bitchie] a lil rude but ok 

-

[slut club]

[9:03AM]

[billiam] i read this online and i can’t stop thinking about it so i’m gonna ask you guys it

[billiam] so let’s say there’s a button, and everytime you pressed it you’d have the best nut of your life. but, someone would die. would you press it?

[bitchie] yes

[twitter stan] I don’t like how instant your response was.

[farm papi] would i be able to chose who’d die? 

[billiam] nope. it’s completely random 

[farm papi] then nah

[bitchie] i definitely would press it

[edwardo] but what if you killed some random three year old? would it be worth it just for a good orgasm??

[bitchie] i would take that chance

[bevvy] that’d be the saddest post-nut tho 

[farm papi] could you live with killing someone just for a nice nut?

[bitchie] yeah? duh

[benis] but what if you killed your mom 

[bevvy] djdjfkfjdjfj

[benis] like you hear a thud from the kitchen and you come out all relaxed and you see that your mom died

[bitchie] there’s nine billion people on this planet, im willing to take that chance

[bitchie] i’m a gambling man what can i say

[edwardo] so you’d be fine if you killed your mom??

[bitchie] what ever happens happens 

[twitter stan] I’m going to cry, all of you are insane.

[bevvy] that’s just how it is at slut club

-

[slut club]

[10:56AM]

[bitchie] if you piss and fart at the same time you take a screenshot 

[edwardo] that is incorrect 

[bevvy] if you piss and shit at the same time you take a screenshot

[edwardo] that is also very incorrect

[billiam] if you hit the brakes and the gas at the same time your car takes a screenshot

[twitter stan] Why can we never have any normal fucking conversations in this hell of a group chat.

[bitchie] i’ll have a normal conversation 

[bitchie] so there’s this girl i really like and i don’t know how to ask her out

[bevvy] wait... really...?

[edwardo] wait are you serious?? who is it????

[bitchie] your mom

[edwardo] you fucking asshole those jokes are so overdone and they’re not even funny and they never were

[bevvy] you fucking got me there bro 

[twitter stan] Why are you acting surprised like he doesn’t pull this shit daily.

[bitchie] don’t call me out like that stanny

-

[slut club]

[4:29PM]

[billiam] i just picked georgie up from his bus stop and the first thing he said immediately after getting off the bus was “madonna is still alive?”

[bevvy] wait she is??

[benis] yeah ?

[bitchie] wait i just googled how old she is and she’s sixty one 

[bitchie] madonna is a boomer i-

[bevvy] gasp

[bevvy] what the fuck 

[bevvy] who let madonna get old 

[bitchie] e x a c t l y bruh wtf

-

[slut club]

[5:09PM]

[edwardo] beverly and richie are something else i swear to god

[bevvy] aww u love us tho

[edwardo] only sometimes.

[bitchie] it’s just the same clown different circus 

[billiam] what the fuck did you guys do

[bitchie] my mom came back from the store to see me and bev snorting crushed up smarties while eddie yelled at us and now she thinks we’re on cocaine 

[benis] that’s a reasonable assumption, richie

[bitchie] yeah i know 

[bevvy] and when we walked in me richie and eddie made eye contact and bolted out the back door which is even more suspicious and now we’re on a walk:)

[farm papi] richie do you realize she’ll ask you about that when you get home? you’re just delaying the inevitable 

[bitchie] i’m well aware

[bitchie] but that’s a problem for future richie 😎

[billiam] cool way of thinking about it bro

[bitchie] haha thx bro!1!1

[bitchie] but yeah so my mom thinks im on coke what’s new with you guys

[twitter stan] I never have the energy to deal with this group chat i swear to God.

[bevvy] that is 100% fair

-

[beverly - richie]

[11:56PM]

[beverly] get out of the bathroom now

[beverly] i’m gonna count to three

[beverly] one..

[richie] IM SO SORRY

[beverly] two...

[richie] IT WAS AN ACCIDENT IM SORRY

[richie] PLEASE DOMT HURT ME

[beverly] three...

[richie] STOP BANGING ONTHE DOOR

[richie took a screenshot!]

-

[slut club]

[11:59PM]

[bitchie sent a screenshot!]

[bitchie] HELP SHES TRYIGN TO KILL ME

[edwardo] what the actual fuck did you do

[bitchie] IT WSNT MY FAULT

[bevvy] LITERALLY WHOS FAULT OTHER THAN YOURS COULD IT BE BITCH

[bitchie] HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I PIERCED YOUR EARS UNEVENLY

[bevvy] WHAT I-

[bevvy] YOU WERE LOOKING AT THEM WHORE

[edwardo] wait you pierced her ears!? do you even know how unsanitary that is???

[edwardo] did you even sanitize the needle??

[bitchie] of course i did i’m not an idiot

[bitchie] i soaked it in water duh

[edwardo] WHAT

[edwardo] that is NOT how you clean! it she could get an infection you dingus

[bitchie] hey! i am not a dingus you dingus

[edwardo] bite me.

[bitchie] if you insist ;)

[twitter stan] Get a room guys. 

[edwardo] wh

[edwardo] what no ew gross

[bitchie] hey:/ 

[billiam] is bev still trying to kill you??

[bevvy] no we worked it out and now we’re watching the lorax :)

[benis] aw:) fun:)

[bitchie] ur so cute ily

[bevvy] hey back off my man >:(

[benis] hey calm down there’s enough of me to go around :)

[twitter stan] Please stop, i’m going to start sobbing.

[bitchie] good

[twitter stan] Rude.


	12. hashtag stoner for life

[slut club] 

[6:07PM]

[bitchie] bruh stan stop yelling at me and eds >:(

[edwardo] yeah it’s not like we were supposed to know you could get kicked out of ikea for playing hide and seek

[twitter stan] Why are you texting me? We’re on the same couch?

[twitter stan] And also, it was one hundred percent both of your faults.

[bitchie] iT wAs OnE hUnDReD pErCeNt BoTh oF yOuR fAuLTs

[farm papi] we can all vouch for stan, it was 100% both of your faults

[bitchie] ok i may have suggested playing in the first place but you all agreed

[twitter stan] Firstly, me and Ben did not agree. Secondly, you annoyed Eddie into playing with you.

[bitchie] ok and?

[billiam] the one time i stay home to watch georgie while my parents are out you all get kicked out of ikea. smh my head

[edwardo] stop fucking saying smh my head bill

[twitter stan] There’s no way you wanted to be there. A worker threatened to call the cops once Richie made a your mom joke.

[billiam] yeah i don’t doubt that for a second

[bitchie] it was funny tho

[bevvy] no it was not

[bevvy] that poor worker was enraged

[farm papi] yeah i kind of feel really bad for them:(

[benis] same

[bitchie] y’all r softies

[bitchie] just cos i mentioned sucking on his moms vag doesn’t mean i’m in the wrong here

[twitter stan] It absolutely does.

[edwardo] his mom was dead dude 

[bitchie] how was i supposed to know??

[edwardo] i don’t know just maybe next time don’t make your mom jokes to strangers

[bitchie] you can’t control me

[bitchie] the only person who can control me is mrs k ;)

[edwardo] jesus fucking christ dude

-

[richie - stan]

[10:20PM]

[richie] bro i’m crying

[stan] What’s wrong?? Are you okay? Who do i need to beat up?

[richie] yknow the show brooklyn nine nine

[stan] Yeah?

[richie] i just found out cheddar died like three months ago:((

[stan] You’re crying over a dog?

[richie] of course i am you heartless monster

[stan] Hey! I am not heartless, i just thought maybe Bowers messed with you again.

[richie] no 

[richie] i’m crying over a dog

[stan] He was a pretty good boy, tho.

[richie] agreed

[richie] rip u gorgeous doggy:(

[stan] Preach.

-

[slut club]

[11:46PM]

[bevvy] is it nearly midnight on a school night? yes. am i making a pair of worm on a string earrings? yes.

[benis] bev, the light of my life, you should get some sleep

[bevvy] hardwork never sleeps b e n

[benis] that is totally fair

[bitchie] that is the only acceptable reason to stay up on a school night

[billiam] didn’t you stay up till 420 last week on a school night because, “hashtag stoner life”?

[bitchie] that’s different 

[bevvy] me pulling up to class twenty minutes late with worm on a string earrings: oh sorry teach, i’m late because i overslept so i can be fashionable

[bitchie] they’d totally understand 

[billiam] totally

-

[slut club]

[1:31AM]

[bitchie] guys i’m trying to sleep but i can’t remember the name of the big orange guy in the lorax

[bitchie] he was played by danny devito 

[farm papi] i’m sorry 

[farm papi] what movie? 

[bitchie] the lorax

[bitchie] the one with the guy from the office and he cuts down the trees and stuff

[farm papi] say that again but slower

[bitchie] the lorax??

[bitchie] but what’s his name?

[billiam] we’ll let you figure this one out on your own 

[bitchie] rude

-

[slut club]

[1:43AM]

[bitchie] oh mygod 

[bitchie] his name is the fucking onceler right?

[edwardo] BRO TELL ME YOU ARE JOKING

[bitchie] i’m not....?

[bitchie] OH 

[bitchie] HES THE LORAX

[bevvy] i’m eating my pillow to muffle my laughter

[bevvy] i’m crying so hard from laughing im gonna wake up my aunt

[bitchie] i can’t fucking believe no body told me

[bitchie] y’all just let me be this dumb 

[farm papi] please tell me your joking i’m sobbing

[bitchie] i wish i was too mikey boy

-

[slut club] 

[6:03]

[bevvy] yeah so while i was eating breakfast i drank ranch

[bevvy] and i forgot i was sitting with my aunt oops

[edwardo] i’m sorry you drank what

[edwardo] ranch is so disgusting 

[edwardo] it’s like the worst sauce of all time

[bitchie] ranch is a fucking delicacy stfu 

[benis] rich, you don’t know what your talking about. ranch is horrible

[billiam] gasp 

[billiam] you don’t like ranch???

[benis] not at all 

[twitter stan] I love ranch. I don’t know what drugs Ben and Eddie are on but ranch is truly a gift.

[farm papi] i don’t like ranch either

[bevvy] this is true betrayal

[bitchie] ok well you guys are cancelled 

[edwardo] you’re so dramatic 

[edwardo] you feel the need to “cancel” us because you’re that stupid? go off i guess

[bevvy] well now i know who my true friends are

[bevvy] rich, stan, and bill

[benis] but

[benis] what about me:(

[bevvy] you can stay

[benis] :)

[bevvy] but you’re on thin fucking ice


	13. yeah i’m taken, for granted

[1:02AM]

[richie - beverly]

[richie] baby girl that’s not the engine revving that’s my ass cheeks slappin at 98mph get on it or get awf 

-

[6:08AM]

[beverly - richie]

[beverly took a screenshot!]

-

[slut club]

[6:09AM]

[bevvy sent a screenshot!]

[bevvy] IM CRYING THIS IS WHAG I WOKE UP TO 

[bitchie] i was just trying to give you a sweet good mornin text smh my head

[billiam] richie what does this even fucking mean

[bitchie] i don’t think i could’ve been any clearer 

[bitchie] so like.... get on it or get awf i guess

[billiam] get on w h a t

[bitchie] ;)

[billiam] i-

-

[slut club]

[4:38PM]

[billiam] pLeasE

[billiam] RICHIE OLEASE STOP TALKING TO THE WAITER AT OUTBACK WITH AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT PLEASE JM GIMMA CRY IM SO EMBARRASSED 

[bitchie] wow racist much?

[benis] wha-

[bitchie] not my fault you cant handle my swag

[edwardo] that’s not swag it’s stupidity 

[bitchie] damn so NOBODY here can handle my swag? rip in pieces 

[bitchie] can’t handle my big thicc dong swag >:(

[twitter stan] I’m sorry,

[bitchie] it’s ok

[twitter stan] your what???

[bitchie] i think you can read stanley 

[twitter stan] Sometimes i wish i couldn’t.

[bevvy] i second that 

[benis] 3x

[farm papi] 4x

[bitchie] 5x

[edwardo] we’re making fun of you

[bitchie] i know i just wanna be included:)

[edwardo] ok:)

-

[slut club]

[5:27PM]

[benis] yeah, i’m taken

[twitter stan] We know.

[benis] taken for granted 

[bitchie] BEVERLY WHAT DIDYOU DO TO HIM

[bevvy] BEN IM SO SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 

[benis] she spilled ranch on my pants 

[benis] now i’m in the restaurant bathroom washing my pants 

[benis] BEV YOU SPILLED IT ON MY CROTCH NOW IT LOOKSLIKE I PEED MYSELF WHA

[bevvy] STOP ITIM CRYING AT THE TABLE

[bitchie] send pics send pics send pics send pics send pics send pics send pi 

[benis sent a photo!]

[bitchie] iT LOOKS LIKEYOU PISSED YOURSELF IM SOBBING BEN

[edwardo] ben please i can’t stop laughing my moms napping i can’t wake her up wjdjdjdj 

[benis] but what dO I DO

[bitchie] you go out and own it like a man

[bevvy] BEN I JUST READ THESE MESSAGES AND SNORTED MY WATER ONTO THE TABLE OLD PEOPLE ARE LOOKING AT ME

[farm papi] wtf did i miss

[farm papi] my jaw hurts from smiling too much

[farm papi] you guys are so stupid sometimes but iss ok ily guys anyway:)

[benis] awww <3

[benis] but seriously guys what do i do

[bitchie] you got no choice ben

[bitchie] you gotta take off your pants 

[bitchie] and send me pics;)

[benis] no thanks

[bevvy] back off trashmouth 

[bitchie] damn ok bev :(

-

[slut club]

[8:01PM]

[edwardo] I LOVE ANIMAL CROSSING NEW LEAF SO MUCH I CANT EVEN COMPREHEND HOW MUCH LOVE I HOLD FOR THAT GAME AND THOSE STUPID AMAZING ANIMALS

[bevvy] you good eddie?

[edwardo] YES I JUST LOVE ANIMAL CROSSING

[farm papi] when eddie said he loves animal crossing we all felt that 

[billiam] mega rt

[bitchie] extra mega rt

[billiam] why do you always have to one up me

[bitchie] because it’s so easy 

[billiam] boy if you dont

[bitchie] ;)

-

[slut club]

[9:43PM]

[twitter stan] So i’m not saying i should shower and get ready for bed but i can’t stop listening to Beetlejuice the musical, but that’s exactly what i’m saying.

[farm papi] don’t even mention that musical to me i can’t stop listening to dead mom 

[bevvy] in this house we love lydia 

[twitter stan] Beverly those are straight up facts.

[bitchie] damn a musical? so y’all gay?¿?¿

[bevvy] that’s hilarious coming from you rich

[bitchie] ...

[bitchie] n i oop

[edwardo] please tell me you did not just say and i oop

[bitchie] can’t you read bitch

[edwardo] i’m gonna shove my foot up your ass

[bitchie] damn eds, is that a threat or a promise ;)

[edwardo] it’s a warning you fucking cock sock

[bitchie] did you just fucking call me a cock sock do you even know what that is

[edwardo] yeah, you

[bitchie] bitch i-

-

[slut club]

[12:53AM]

[billiam] so like what if grass licked your feet when you stepped on it 

[bevvy] i would do a spilt

[edwardo] don’t even say that i just don’t even know how to respond to that

[bitchie] damn the grass got a feet kink? i can get behind that;)

[benis] why can’t we ever talk about our days? what ever happened to us doing that

[bitchie] aw ben honey we never had that 

[benis] i’m mad that i cant argue with you 

[billiam] dam that’s the first time someone couldn’t argue with richie

[bitchie] don’t even bill i’ll shave one strip on your leg and leave the rest alone 

[billiam] that’s.... oddly specific 

[bitchie] your face is oddly specific 

[billiam] that doesn’t make sense

[bitchie] your face doesn’t make sense

[billiam] i’m gonna bring bullying back

[bitchie] it never left

[billiam] mmm true

-

[slut club]

[1:34PM]

[billiam] IM JUST TRYJNG TO TAKE A FAT SHIT AND SOME DUDE IN THE STALL NEXT TO ME IS ON THE PHONE AND HES TALKING ABOUT SKINNY SHREK

[bitchie] slide him my number under the stall

[farm papi] shrek is a snack

[benis] no he’s not

[benis] he’s the whole damn meal

[farm papi] preach it ben

[bitchie] ben stop spitting facts omg 

[bevvy] one time i had a dream where shrek told me a loved one was gonna die and richie got killed by shrek it was amazing

[bevvy] i’m just so heartbroken it was just a dream

[bitchie] the unconditional love in this gc<3

[bevvy] jk rich i still luv you:)

[bitchie] thanks bev but i cant do that to ben

[bevvy] nvm

[bitchie] understandable have a nice day 

-

[slut club]

[5:10PM]

[billiam] if someone said to me “spell especially or ill throw you off of this cliff” i’d jump.

[bitchie] then how’d you just spell it? checkmate atheists 

[billiam] because i managed to spell it close enough that it autocorrected 

[benis] what brought this on bill?

[billiam] georgie asked me how to spell it and i froze up and had to ask siri 

[bitchie] that’s really sad bill

[billiam] i know:(


	14. guys!! i don’t eat soap hahah

[slut club]

[1:38AM]

[farm papi] i’m crying guys there is so much grass in the world 

[bevvy] he do be kinda right doe

[farm papi] like you couldn’t even be able to count every single blade of grass 

[bitchie] but there’s more than twenty

[farm papi] i’m mad that you’re technically correct

[bitchie] i do be kinda right doe 

[bevvy] fun fact! the earth is over 70 years old!! 

[farm papi] thank you beverly very cool

[bevvy] you’re welcome :)

-

[slut club] 

[12:31PM]

[bitchie] WHEN THE FUCK WHERE YOU GUYS GONNA TELL ME JOHN ARBUCKLE WAS N O T A FOUNDING FATHER

[twitter stan] You mean the guy from Garfield??

[bitchie] y e s

[edwardo] stop the motherfucking clock

[edwardo] who gave you the idea that he was a founding father

[bitchie] i don’t k n ow 

[bitchie] he just sounds historical and shit you know?

[edwardo] richie i’m going to start uncontrollably sobbing and it’s all your fault 

[billiam] i can’t stop laughing guys he’s not a foundjngfdtbef 

[twitter stan] Great spelling.

[farm papi] he may not be a founding father but he can be my founding daddy ;)

[bevvy] MIKE YOU DID NOTWHA

[farm papi] i can’t believe i made that joke i’m so sorry but also i can’t stop wheezing that was so funny

[benis] that was a richie level joke 

[bitchie] omg it really was

[bitchie] twinsss 

[farm papi] no thanks

-

[richie - eddie]

[3:53PM]

[richie] i’m so mad why would you tell me to watch shows 

[eddie] did you finally start the show you said you’d start weeks ago?

[richie] ....yes

[richie] and i’m mad!!! the politician is such a good show bro don’t even talk to me i’m sobbing 

[eddie] i swear it’s so fucking good right?

[richie] so fucking good!!!

[richie] you could come over and watch it if you want?

[richie] we can always invite the others over too 

[eddie] ok:) i’ll be over in a bit:)

[richie] oh ok cool:)

-

[slut club]

[4:29PM]

[edwardo] so i’m at richies house watching a show with him right 

[edwardo] and his mom came into his room and told him she found bite marks in the soap again and to not eat soap i-

[bitchie] omg eds dont expose me uwu

[twitter stan] Have you seriously been eating soap?

[bitchie] maybe i did maybe i didn’t ;)

[farm papi] there’s no maybe to if you ate soap it’s either yes or no

[bitchie] i can’t tell you guys that heheh

[twitter stan] The fact that you can’t tell us means you definitely ate soap.

[bitchie] but fr guys soap is extra yummy followed down by root beer

[twitter stan] i

[twitter stan] I don’t know how to process the words you have just said.

[farm papi] that makes two of us 

[bevvy] i’m never going to the mall with you again. i can’t risk walking with you past the bath and body works and having you eat the soap 

[farm papi] he’s a repeat offender. you saw the text where eddie said his mom said he was eating soap a g a i n

[bitchie] i eat soap o n c e and i’m a “repeat offender”?? 

[billiam] oh dont bullshit us richie, you’ve definitely eaten soap multiple times before 

[bitchie] you know what this is? harassment 

[billiam] you know what this is? us calling you out

[bitchie] guys!! i don’t eat soap hahah

[bitchie] there is only one thing i eat

[bevvy] food?

[bitchie] eddies moms vag 

[twitter stan] I wish i could say i was surprised.

[farm papi] same

[bitchie] s TOP FUCKING HITTING ME YOU GREMLIN

[edwardo] I WILL ONCE YOU STOP JOKING SBOUT FUCKING MY MOTHER

[bevvy] this is so sad, alexa play despacito 

-

[slut club]

[4:49PM]

[edwardo] did me and richie make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with burnt toast? yes. but does gordon ramsey want what we have? also yes.

[bevvy] ugh guys who can cook 😍

[bitchie] bitches jealous over our talent smh

[twitter stan] I bet.

[bitchie] i can hear your fucking sarcasm from miles away stanny 

[twitter stan] No doubt.

[bitchie] stop being fucking sarcastic to me bro!! >:( 

[edwardo] yeah dude! >:((

[bevvy] omg theyre bonding 

[bitchie] that’s not the only bonding i do

[farm papi] lmao 

[farm papi] wait

[farm papi] what k i n d of bonding richie?¿?¿

[bitchie] ;)

[benis] richie

[benis] what kind of bonding

[bitchie] it seems like you already know

[edwardo] wait i don’t get it

[bitchie] bondage:)

[edwardo] that’s so fucking disgusting shut the hell up you’re like twelve years old dude

[bitchie] rude

[bitchie] i’m not twelve>:(

[twitter stan] I love how that’s the only thing you got from that conversation.

[bitchie] thanks :)

[twitter stan] What? I wasn’t complementing you?

[bitchie] thanks :)

[twitter stan] Dude, i’m n o t complementing you.

[bitchie] i s a i d

[bitchie] thanks :)

[bevvy] wh

[bitchie] :)

-

[slut club]

[5:32PM]

[bevvy] does anybody wanna tell me why eddie called me, and was laughing so hard he couldn’t speak and richie was in the background yelling at him, and then eddie proceeded to hang up?

[edwardo] IM SNORTING I CSNF BREATHE

[bitchie] stop it it wasn’t funny you dickhead 

[benis] what..?

[edwardo] me and rich were walking and we wanted to cross the street before the light changed and so we ran and he fell in front of a car and then jumped back up and gave them the thumbs up 

[bevvy] skhskddjdjd 

[bitchie] it’s not fucjing funny i’m gonna commit murder

[farm papi] bruh imagine you’re driving and some random rat boy trips in front of your car and just shoots you a thumbs up i-

[billiam] RAT BOY DJDJDCJDJ

[bitchie] i hate you all

[bitchie] i’m accepting applications for new best friends

[edwardo] nobody would sign

[bitchie] damn that’s a little fucking rude innit luv

[edwardo] please i already deal with your shitty british accent in person don’t bring it to the groupchat

[bitchie] yeah alrighty then luv

[edwardo] i’m gonna shove you into oncoming traffic

[bitchie] aw yeah that’s what i like to hear;)

-

[slut club]

[6:18PM]

[farm papi] I CANNOT BREATHE STAB FELL TO THE FLOR

[bitchie] stab 

[billiam] flor

[farm papi] BEVERLY WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US BEN MADE RAMEN LIEK THAT IDIDHDHJDDJF

[bevvy] ....like what?

[farm papi] HE BOILS WATER THEN ADDS THE NOODLES AND WHEN THEYRE DONE HE SCOOPS OUT THE NOODLESD WITH A FORK SO NO WATER GOES IN THE BOWL SND THEN??? HE DUMPS OUT THE H O T WATER SND PUTS COLD WATER IN HIS BOWL IM CRYING SND STAN IS STILL ON THE FLOOR CHOKING ON HIS LAUGHTER 

[bitchie] i just inhaled so sharply 

[benis] hey! don’t make fun of me>:(

[bevvy] i don’t even know what to fucking say this is so fucking funny ben

[bevvy] why do you make ramen like that i just what 

[benis] because it’s efficient 

[farm papi] WHaT

[edwardo] how is it e f f i c i e n t

[billiam] if anything it’s the opposite 

[farm papi] e x a c t l y

[benis] y’all should’ve named the group chat “let’s all bully ben because it’s fun”

[bitchie] ben you’re so dramatic i love you never change for anyone

[benis] thank you 

[benis] see guys? richie understands me:)

[bitchie] oh i absolutely do not 

[twitter stan] Did you just forget how he called you dramatic?

[benis] yes, you see i like to pretend i don’t see stuff that i don’t ~vibe~ with

[bevvy] i

[bevvy] there are tears currently streaming down my face 

[twitter stan] But i gotta admit, the ramen still tastes good though.

[farm papi] yeah

[benis] see! i knew you guys would agree eventually 

[billiam] i don’t think they were agreeing 

[twitter stan] Oh no, we definitely weren’t.

[benis] don’t ever talk to me again>:( all i need in life is my ramen

[bevvy] hey:(

[benis] and my sweet bevvy<3

[bevvy] :)


	15. ribs by lorde

[slut club]

[1:44AM]

[bitchie] y’all mind if i uhm

[bitchie] ribs by lorde?

[bevvy] uhm yes please do ribs by lorde

[billiam] ugh ribs by lorde hits different 

[twitter stan] You guys don’t have to specify who the song is by. We all know.

[bitchie] anywho i really enjoy the song ribs by lorde because it somehow makes me sad yet happy

[benis] gosh i felt that 

[benis] ribs by lorde is such a masterpiece to this generation 

[bitchie] ugh preach it bennethy 

[farm papi] omg are y’all talking about 

[farm papi] ribs by lorde??

[bitchie] why yes we are talking about ribs by lorde good sir

[twitter stan] Shut up.

[twitter stan] No more Ribs by Lorde for you guys.

[bitchie] aw stanny no don’t take away our ribs by lorde :/

[bevvy] yeah cmon stanny:(

[edwardo] can you guys stfu i beg you all of your stupid talk about ribs by lorde is blowing up my phone i’m just trying to get some sleep so i can actually focus in school and grow up and make something of myself

[billiam] damn calm down eddie 

[bitchie] yeah listen to ribs by lorde and chillax bro 

[twitter stan] Take a shot everytime they say Ribs by Lorde

[bevvy] fuck bro i’d be hammered 

[twitter stan] Exactly.

[bitchie] aww you trying to get us to die of alcohol poisoning staniel? #goals

[bevvy] gross

[bevvy] it’s now 2020 we don’t use hashtags now 

[bitchie] fuck you are totally right ms marsh 

[bevvy] i know :)

-

[slut club]

[2:10AM]

[bevvy] avril lavigne is fucking dead i don’t take criticism 

[bitchie] 

broke: avril lavigne is alive

woke: avril lavigne is dead 

[farm papi] omg preach it 🙏

-  
[slut club]

[3:25AM]

[bitchie] guys random question

[bitchie] what’s the girl chipmunks name in alvin and the chipmunks???

[twitter stan] Brittney, Eleanor amd Jeanette.

[bitchie] first of all, why are you up this late? second of all, how did you respond that fast?? like there was no time to google their names??

[twitter stan] I’m going to be real with you, i can’t give you an answer to any of those questions.

[bitchie] i

[bitchie] wtf why

[twitter stan] Because i myself, do not have an answer either.

[bitchie] that’s so fucking cursed dude like i don’t even know what that means

[twitter stan] Good. :)

[bitchie] wh a t

-

[slut club] 

[8:01AM]

[bitchie] so i’m not saying bullying is good but i’m saying bullying builds character and i would not be this funny without a little bullying in my life

[bitchie] i can’t wait till bullying comes back

[bevvy] it never left wdym

[twitter stan] What the fuck Rich.

[edwardo] oh god he thinks he’s funny

[benis] bullying is bad!! there’s different ways to become funny

[bevvy] like trauma! yeah!

[benis] no!

[farm papi] you guys are like the vine “lemme see what you have” “a knife!” “no!” but like “lemme see what you have” “trauma!” “no!”

[benis] stop rnskdjdkfjjd 

[bevvy] eye-

[farm papi] but bullying is a no no 

[benis] ^^^^

[benis] ugh we stan a woke king

[edwardo] don’t ever say woke again 

[benis] understandable i’m sorry 

[bevvy] we bully each other but out of love :) <33

[billiam] yes! my favorite kind of bullying, love bullying!

[bitchie] does that also include in the bedroom? wink wonk 

[twitter stan] I’m begging you, shut the fuck up.

[bitchie] oh so you’re begging now huh? 

[edwardo] don’t even try 

[bitchie] ok fine i wasn’t even gonna say anything dirty

[bevvy] i find that hard to believe 

[edwardo] oh yeah?

[bitchie] yeah i was just gonna say he also can beg for my di-

[edwardo] you little fucker

[bitchie] :)))))))

[billiam] how did this conversation start from bullying and now kinky stuff

[bevvy] that’s just how it be up in slut club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bullying is not good!!! i’m jus making goofs


	16. loving beverly marsh hours are 24/7

[benis] so it’s extremely late at night, but uhhh i really want pickles

[bitchie] okay?? go get pickles bennethy?

[benis] i can’t because we’re all out :(((

[bitchie] then go get some tomorrow morning or sum

[benis] i can’t because i crave pickles nowww not tomorrow

[bitchie] you’re lucky i fucking love you benny boy

[benis] huh?

[bitchie] i’m actively climbing out my window with a jar of pickles in my hand

[benis] you’re joking rich

[bitchie] nope

[bitchie sent an image!]

[benis] omg i love you

[benis] im actually crying no ones ever snuck out to bring me food before

[bitchie] welp now somebody has <33

[bitchie] but fr i gotta go, riding a bike with a jar of pickles in my hand while texting is vv hard

[bitchie] c u in a sec ben<3

[benis] :))

-

[slut club]

[8:48AM]

[twitter stan] So, were the pickles good?

[benis] oh they were amazingggg

[benis] i rolled them in crushed up hot cheetos

[bitchie] please stop ben i’m nutting

[bitchie] fuck i wish i sticked around 😤😤

[bevvy] omg that sounds fucking delish   
bby

[benis] it was:)

-

[slut club]

[1:48PM]

[bitchie] me, wearing outfits that consist of only hawaiian shirts and the same four tshirts everyweek: they call me ranch cos i b dressin

[bevvy] where’s the fucking lie

[edwardo] yeah dude get a new style

[bitchie] says the fannypack wearing munchkin

[edwardo] shut the fuck up dude!!! i don’t wear fanny packs anymore bro!!

[bitchie] damn alright eds no need to get ur panties in a twist 

[edwardo] i’m gonna murder you 

[bitchie] that’s fair but like....

[bitchie] can it wait until after i’m done plowing your mom...?

[edwardo] you motherfucker

[bitchie] literally;)

[edwardo] ..huh?

[edwardo] OH 

[edwardo] YOU LITTLE SHITSTICK IM GONNA FUCKINSCREAMEJFJDFUUF

[bitchie] you love me:)

[edwardo] that’s debatable

[bevvy] is it tho...? ;)

[edwardo] bev, shhhhhh

[bitchie] huh

[billiam] n e wayz 

[billiam] y’all ever think about when the last time you saw a plane was??

[billiam] because i haven’t seen one in a long ass time

[bitchie] dude

[bitchie] dudeee!!! where tf did all the planes go!!!

[farm papi] you might be on to something bill

[bevvy] bill if you get murdered we’ll know what happened to you

[twitter stan] Damn the Government is gonna kill Bill. Finally.

[twitter stan] Wait no that was mean i’m sorry Bill.

[billiam] dmfjjdfjdkfk

[bevvy] NO FUCKING WAY GUYS!!!

[bevvy] i’m just chilling outside having a ~smoke~ right? AND THERES A FUCKING PLANE

[bitchie] the government only sent that plane out cause bill was gettin to close to something 👀

[farm papi] damn richie you might be right

[bevvy] the government knew bill was gonna #expose them

[twitter stan] I mean..... You guys might be right.

[bitchie] see even stan agrees 

[billiam] the planes just ... stop coming

[bevvy] guys!!! since we started this conversation i’ve seen about six planes!!

[benis] woah! fr?

[bitchie] the drug smuggling business is thriving i see

[farm papi] richie n o

-

[slut club]

[4:38PM]

[bitchie] it’s a shame ronald regan died before he got to see bofa 

[billiam] ok

[edwardo] what the fuck is a bofa

[bitchie] BOFA THESE NUTS

[edwardo] i’m legit shaking in rage rn

[edwardo] i’m so fucking mad at you rn rich

[bevvy] i’m gonna kill you guys if you don’t shut up and go do your homework you both claim you have

[bitchie] god damn don’t fucking call me out like that beverly

[bevvy] it’s what i do

[bitchie] shit you right

[edwardo] yeah, she right

[twitter stan] Bev’s out here doing God’s work, and that’s why we love her. :)

[benis] sorry i heard we were giving beverly the love she deserves and i dropped everything to respond 

[bitchie] is it....? loving beverly marsh hours?

[bevvy] aw hell yeah it is!!!

[bitchie] damn alr man i love that sassy mother fucker

[bevvy] omg me too! shes just so pretty

[bitchie] yes why thank you bev, i totally agree

[farm papi] here in slut club loving beverly marsh hours are 24/7

[twitter stan] Hell yeah!

[bevvy] i feel so loved 🥺

[edwardo] good, it’s what you deserve

[bitchie] i am a gay male but i would kiss ms marsh very softly on the cheek to show her she is loved

[edwardo] retweet

[bevvy] well rich, i hope you keep that attitude because i am outside ur window:)

[bitchie] why you gotta be so extra you can just come in the front door

[bitchie] my parents love you yknow

[bevvy] i know:) i’m their favorite 

[edwardo] hey! i thought i was their favorite 

[twitter stan] I thought i was??

[billiam] me too?????

[farm papi] uh same?

[benis] me too:(

[bitchie] they love you all aswell but 

[bitchie] bevs polite 

[twitter stan] Uh? So i am you fucking bitch.

[bitchie] you’re proving my point staniel 

[twitter stan] Shit.

[bevvy] gosh what a beautiful day to be every parent’s favorite child :)

[twitter stan] Don’t push it. >:(

[bevvy] oh trust me

[bevvy] i will ;)

-

[slut club]

[7:08PM]

[twitter stan] Imagine using Apple mu🤢🤮 Appl🤮 God, i can’t even say it. 🤮🤮

[bitchie] fuck yeah i agree!!! apple music sux ballsack

[benis] i like it :(

[bitchie] ew wait wtf why 

[benis] i don’t know it’s just what i use

[benis] i forgot to cancel the trial a couple months ago and my mom still hasn’t noticed

[bevvy] wait how tf did i not know this????? we’ve been dating for two years n you never told me???? smh my head ben:(

[benis] i didn’t think it mattered?

[bevvy] your right ily:)

[benis] aw ilyt :)

[bitchie] n e ways

[farm papi] apple music s u c k s but i still love you ben 

[benis] :)

[billiam] damn i got apple music 

[bitchie] fuck you bill i’m gonna fucking kill you 

[edwardo] if you don’t use spotify you’re a fucking pussy

[billiam] guess i’m a fucking pussy then 

[benis] guess i’m a fucking pussy then 

[bitchie] petition to remove bill and ben from the groupchat?

[twitter stan] I second that.

[farm papi] omg ben don’t swear uwu

[bitchie] petition to remove bill and ben and mike too?

[bevvy] i also second that

[bitchie] ok good

[bitchie removed farm papi from the group chat!]

[bitchie removed billiam from the group chat!]

[bitchie removed benis from the group chat!]

[bitchie added billiam to the groupchat 

[bitchie added benis to the groupchat!]

[bitchie added farm papi to the groupchat!]

[bitchie] i felt bad

[benis] hey >:(

[billiam] but thx for adding us back 

[benis] ^^^

[bitchie] now to repay me you have to delete apple music and get spotify

[billiam] no thx

[bitchie] k cool i’m never talking to you again 

[billiam] is that supposed to be a bad thing??

[bitchie] oh okay...

[bitchie] i see how it is

[bitchie] y’all are some fake ass hoes ig

[bitchie] streaks no one hmu unless you kno whts wrong💔

[billiam] oh my god shut u p

[edwardo] stop being so dramatic i swear to fucking god 

[bitchie] i SAID

[bitchie] streaks no one hmu unless you kno whts wrong

[bevvy] i’m gonna commit a felony

[bitchie] sounds fun bev b safe 😘

-

[slut club] 

[8:23PM]

[edwardo] if i see a bitch use the laughing crying emoji i floor it

[bitchie] LMFAOOOO😂😂😂😂😂

[edwardo] SHUT THE FUCK UP RICHIE IM NOT JOKING IM GONNA KILL YOU AND DANCE OVER YOUR TOMBSTONE

[bitchie] a lil harsh but i understand

[bevvy] greta uses that emoji and that’s why we’re not friends

[twitter stan] That and she constantly slut shames you/bullies you and is just a genuinely shitty person.

[bevvy] yeah that too but mostly the emoji thing

-

[slut club]

[10:19PM]

[billiam] imagine writing a song and you haven’t even released it yet and it’s already a tiktok song

[benis] i hate tiktok so much but i was on it right before you texted

[twitter stan] Is this about that one Lana Del Rey song?

[billiam] oh yeah 100%

[bevvy] gosh i love my queen lana 🥵🥰

[bitchie] ugh retweet

[farm papi] in this house we stan lana

[twitter stan] Mike out here spitting facts.

[bitchie] i’m gay but like.... lana high key fucking gorgeous 

[bevvy] r e t w e e t !!!!

-

[slut club]

[12:34AM]

[edwardo] so who the fuck is gonna sneak out right now and watch movies illegally with me 

[bevvy] uhh yes please bitch!!!

[bevvy] what movie 

[edwardo] is that even a question 

[edwardo] call me by your name o b v i

[bevvy] oo i’ve never watched it!

[bitchie] hold the fucking phone 

[bevvy] 🤙📞

[bitchie] beverly i don’t know your middle name marsh ...

[bevvy] and you never will 

[bitchie] has never seen call my by your name??? gasp!

[bevvy] then let’s fucking right now you homo

[bitchie] okay fucking b e t bitch!!

[bitchie] edward spaghedward we’re coming over!!!!!!!

[edwardo] oh god okay 

[bevvy] see u babes soon🥵😘

[bitchie] omg late night booty call 💦

[edwardo] n O !!!

-

[slut club]

[2:38AM]

[bitchie] today’s three year olds can switch on laptops play with ipads... me? when i was three i ate mud. yes that’s what i did.

[bitchie] images that make you shit your pants 

[billiam] why did i already have the exact photo you quoted saved :/

[edwardo] petition to kick richie out 

[bitchie] but who would supply the epic shit inducing memes

[edwardo] nobody

[edwardo] that is the point

[bitchie] that’s racist:(

[edwardo] shut the FUCK up dude

[edwardo] the fuck is emphasized 

[twitter stan] Yeah we got that.

[bitchie] your mom is emphasized 

[edwardo] richie

[edwardo] what does that even fucking mean

[bitchie] emphasized crazy for this DICK

[edwardo] i

[edwardo] please stop 

[bitchie] never

[edwardo] s i g h

[bitchie] *smoochy face*

[edwardo] stop i’m gonna punch your dick in

[bitchie] oh no!! how will i give ms k her sweet ol lovin 

[edwardo] dhfkdjfjc sTOP

[bitchie] <3

-

[slut club]

[3:27AM]

[bitchie] cool bug facts: i shitted myself!

[read by everyone at 10:48AM!]

[bitchie] okay i’ll go fuck myself i guess


	17. they’re just Vibing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s my girl spoilers here!!!! so like if u haven’t seen tht movie n u wanna watch it then idk don’t read this chapter ig n e wayssss thomas j is my baby

[slut club]

[10:20PM]

[bevvy] plEASE I CANNOT BREATHE

[twitter stan] Then just breathe lol.

[bevvy] shut up stan i can see u try not to crack a smile

[farm papi] wait why what’s going on??

[bevvy] so like, me, stan, richie and eddie are walking to a gas station right?

[farm papi] okay...?

[bevvy] n me n stan we walking ahead of them and we turn n they’re just listening to ribs by lorde

[bitchie] we’re having a Vibe beverly

[edwardo] yeah bev, we’re Vibing

[bevvy] wall faster and Vibe with us then 🥺

[billiam] wait

[billiam] y’all walking to the gas station without me ? :(

[twitter stan] We can get you a Slushie. :)

[billiam] omg for wittle ol me ? :3

[bevvy] if u keep typing like that we will n o t

[billiam] my apologies ms bev

[bevvy] alr one slushee coming up for mr denbrough 

[billiam] why thank u maam 

[bevvy] you’re welcome good sir

[bitchie] stop i’m gonna barf

[bevvy] shut it trashmouth

[twitter stan] Yeah, shut it trashmouth.

[edwardo] yeah shut it trashmouth

[bitchie] oKaY i get it

[bitchie] god the audacity

-

[slut club]

[10:25PM]

[bevvy] INDJDJDJDSJDJ RICHIE HONEY NO

[benis] oh god what did he do now 

[bevvy] HE PUSHED EDDIE INTO THE SNOW BECAUSE HE MENTIONED MY GIRL

[benis] that’s understandable tho

[bitchie] if i hear the name thomas j i floor it 

[edwardo] now my ass is cold good going fucknut 

[bitchie] we simply c a n n o t talk about my baby boy tommy j 

[twiter stan] Fuck dude, Thomas J deserved better.

[bitchie] man i miss that funky lil bastard

[edwardo] i’m still fucking soaked rich

[bitchie] hey! that’s exactly what ur mom said to me last night

[edwardo] i’m gonna fucking murder you you stupid little virgin i was with you all night last night you asswipe

[twitter stan] Oh? All night?? ;)

[edwardo] uhm

[edwardo] no

[edwardo] richie was fucking my mom we weren’t together

[bevvy] suuuureee 

[bitchie] n e waysss!!!! fuck whoever thought my girl was a good idea and fuck whoever decided to kill my boy thomas j

[farm papi] ugh retweet

[farm papi] i have never cried so hard during a movie

[bevvy] i cried like a lil bitch during call me by your name

[bitchie] oh i know it was hilarious 

[bevvy] kinda rude ngl rich

[bitchie] *shrugs shoulders* 

[bevvy] n e ways!!! bill!!!!

[bevvy] get ur loser ass outside we got ur slush!!!!!

[billiam] AW FUCK YEAHH HOL ON

[twitter stan] That was majestic to watch.

[billiam] shut up stan!!!

[twitter stan] It was truly amazing to watch Bill nearly face plant off of his front porch.

[billiam] stan!! don’t expose me!

[twitter stan] Too late. :)

[twitter stan sent a photo!]

[billiam] HOW DID YOU GET A PHOTO OF EMDJDKDKD

[benis] only bill can make a fall like that look so graceful 

[billiam] ben is the only one who truly supports me and believes in me

[benis] woah hold on i never said all that

[billiam] ....what? :(

[benis] no bill i was joking i’m so sorry ekfjdkdkfjw

[billiam] okay i forgive you:)

[bitchie] ugh god the dramatics 

[bevvy] scoff 

[edwardo] funny coming from you

[bitchie] i say o n e thing and get attacked tsk tsk tsk

[edwardo] tsk tsk my ass bitch what

[bitchie] fight me short stack

[edwardo] IM A NORMAL HEIGHT DIPSHIT

[bitchie] sorry i can’t hear you from all the way down there

[edwardo] alright fine. paybacks a bitch rich

[bitchie] wait whrjrkfiffkfkf

[bevvy] PELASE IM GONA PISS NY PANTS

[bevvy] EDDIE JSIT CLIMBED IN RICHIES BACK AND SHOVED HIS FACE INTO THE SNOW DKDJDJRJJD

[twitter stan] And now he’s shouting, “i’m a normal height dickwad!”

[edwardo] it’s what he deserves >:(

[bitchie] yeah i guess u right fam

[edwardo] n e v e r call me fam ever again 

[bitchie] fine!! goddamn 

[edwardo] FiNe!! gOdDaMN

[twitter stan] Stop flirting over text and catch up or we’ll leave your sorry asses behind.

[edwardo] we’re not flirting!!!!

[bitchie] we’re not flirting dude!!

[bevvy] those were sent at the exact same time i-

[bitchie] omg our minds 😫

[twitter stan] Okay, now shut up and walk faster.

[bitchie] ugh i love it when you get all bossy on me 

[bitchie] ahhh! do it again stanny!!

[twitter stan] Alright me and Bev are leaving now, bye Rich.

[bitchie] wait no i’m sorry ok i’m coming

[twitter stan] That’s what i thought 

-

[slut club]

[12:12AM]

[bitchie] i threw oreos at bev n stan while they’re sleeping n i don’t think they ate them 😤😤😤

[bitchie] talk about toxic friends >:( smh my head

[edwardo] if you don’t go to sleep i’m going to eat your ass

[bitchie] aww yeah do it baby

[bitchie] get all up in there eds ahhh

[edwardo] ohmygOD

[bitchie] hey you said it not me

[edwardo] i did, and i regret every minute of it

[bitchie] okay that’s fair i get that 

-

[slut club] 

[12:56AM]

[bevvy] wha

[bevvy] why are there packs of oreos in richies bed

[bevvy] idk who these are for but i’m eating them

[bitchie] yes!!!! eat the bed oreos that i threw at you guys!!!

[bevvy] i have one question 

[bevvy] why

[bitchie] uhh idk

[bitchie] bed oreos ig

[bevvy] good enough for me 

-

[richie - eddie]

[2:09AM]

[richie] daym shordie 

[richie] u are lookin deliciousss 

[richie] uh oh ... 😱

[richie] what’s that..? 🧐

[richie] i think im

[richie] bouta 

[richie] s i m p !!!

[richie] *uwus away*

[eddie] never fucking text me again

[richie] harsh...

[richie] can’t i show my spaghetti some love??

[eddie] no you cannot

[richie] understandable have a nice day


	18. Operation Reddie

[slut club]

[9:49AM]

[bitchie] i had a dream

[billiam] i got everything i wanted

[bevvy] not what you’d think

[farm papi] and if i’m being honest 

[benis] it might’ve been a nightmare

[bevvy] to anyone who might care

[bitchie] no

[bitchie] so i can i tell y’all about my dream or are you fucks just gonna keep singing billie eilish 

[billiam] ugh fine

[bitchie] so i had a dream

[bitchie] that i was with beverly while she took a pregnancy test in a mcdonald’s bathroom

[billiam] i

[bevvy] i wasn’t reddie to read that 

[bevvy] ..... was it postive?

[bitchie] i don’t fucking remember 

[edwardo] how the fuck did you misspell ready that bad, bev

[bevvy] oh _eddie_, it wasn’t an accident;) anyways _richie_, more about this dream?

[bitchie] that’s all i remember hskdjsjdjd

-

[Operation Reddie]

[9:52AM]

[bill] ohmygOD

[bill] how are they so oblivious 

[beverly] i have no fucking clue

[mike] how do they not get it???????

[beverly] e x a c t l y

[beverly] like could i be more obvious with my amazing hint dropping

[stan] We should lock them in a closet until they confess their undying love, or something.

[mike] that is a horrible plan

[stan] Hence the, “or something”

[beverly] let’s make like a fake hangout sesh n force em to hangout with each other

[bill] but they hang out alone all the time anyway 

[beverly] damn okay bill, i was just spit balling

[ben] man, these dumb gays i swear

[beverly] man wtf we supposed to do 

[stan] This painful to watch. 

[mike] let’s forge love letters from both of them and send them to each other 

[stan] And you said my plan was bad.

-

[richie - eddie]

[10:02AM]

[richie] should we tell the losers about us soon? it feels kinda mean to hide 

[eddie] they probably already know 

[eddie] bev wasn’t exactly subtle with her “reddie” 

[richie] mm tru tru

[richie] damn baby u so smart 🥵🥰

[eddie] i know :)

[eddie] but yeah, i think we should tell them. i mean, only if you want to 

[richie] yeah let’s do it:)

-

[slut club] 

[10:05AM]

[edwardo] guys i got something to tell you 

[bitchie] omg did i get your mom pregnant!!??

[edwardo] rich, not now

[bitchie] oh right, sorry eddie boo

[bevvy] did someone die???

[bitchie] yes, my relationship with eddies mom

[bitchie] you see

[bitchie] i have moved on to a different member of the kaspbrak family 

[billiam] you.... deadass?????

[bitchie] yes billy, the ass is dead

[edwardo] why didn’t you let me say it that was such a shitty way to tell them 

[bevvy] wAIT

[bevv] FR???

[bitchie] *nods*

[bevvy] U BITCH

[twitter stan] So Operation Reddie was a lie???

[edwardo] i’m sorry?

[edwardo] operation who in the what now?¿?¿

[bevvy] WAIT FUCK YEAH BILL U OWE ME FIFTEEN BUCKS

[billiam] motherfucker

[bitchie] wait you guys betted on us?

[bevvy] that... might be correct

[billiam] wait!!!! how long have you been together????

[edwardo] almost a month??

[billiam] HA!! BEV GIMME MY FIFTEEN DOLLARS B I T C H

[bevvy] motherfucker

[bevvy] you bitches really couldn’t have waited a month to get together huh

[edwardo] wait

[edwardo] so you guys betted on when we’d get together?????

[billiam] that.... may also be correct 

[edwardo] i cannot deal with u bill

[billiam] that’s ok

[billiam] i can’t deal with me either 

[edwardo] no i’m sorry bill i luv u

[bitchie] damn eds

[bitchie] bills ur side hoe huh

[edwardo] bb you’re the only side hoe out there for me 😘

[bitchie] aw

[bitchie wAit

-

[Operation Reddie]

[10:13AM]

[beverly] so now wtf we do with this gc

[stan] Talk mad shit, obviously.

[beverly] okay!!

[beverly] wait i don’t got no shit to talk 😤

[bill] they’re too perfect 

[benis] i know 🥺 it’s so cute 

[beverly] damn who knew they were fuckin on the down low

[stan] We did. Also, gross Bev.

[beverly] now we can’t plot for them to get their shit together anymore :(

[mike] oh we can, they’re still messes in other areas :)

[beverly] true!!!


	19. beverly ‘master of throwing it back’ marsh

[slut club]

[8:37AM]

[edwardo] me and rich need you guys to settle an argument for us 

[bevvy] oooo we get to witness their first fight as a couple!!!

[edwardo] bev no, we can’t agree on which coffee chain is the best

[edwardo] richie’s taste in coffee is absolutely horrendous 

[bevvy] what’s his favorite coffee place?

[edwardo] caribou

[bevvy] fuck you eddie we are no longer friends caribou is a fucking blessing i am gonna break into your house late and night and move all your furniture one inch to the left and i’m gonna laugh as you go mad trying to figure out why you’re going crazy and how your furniture just moved by itself

[edwardo] wow.

[bevvy] CARIBOU IS FUCKING AMAZING EDWARD

[bitchie] YES! BEVERLY GETS IT

[farm papi] i like starbucks. it’s simple 

[bitchie] barf

[bitchie] next one of you motherfuckers are gonna say you like dunkin’ donuts like dear eds over here

[twitter stan] I enjoy Dunkin. Like Mike said about Starbucks, it’s simple. :)

[bitchie] B A R F

[bitchie] benny boy, billy boy what’s ur fav coffee place, go 

[benis] i like starbucks 

[billiam] ^^^

[bitchie] everyone in my life is fake

[bitchie] except beverly, she gets me

[bevvy] come on i’ll take u to caribou to cheer u up bb

[twitter stan] They don’t even have Caribou’s here.

[bevvy] fine

[bevvy] road trip!!!

[bitchie] yeah!! while all you loser fucks stay here with your crappy ass coffee me and bev will be busy traveling to get that sweet taste only caribou can bring

[billiam] yknow you can just order their coffee online and make it yourself?

[bevvy] not the same!!!

[bitchie] yes!! exactly!!! 

[bitchie] fuck you guys for not believing in us >:(

[bevvy] yeah!!!

[bevvy] except ben, luv u bb :)

[bitchie] fuck all of you guys except ben n my dearest eds <33

[edwardo] wow thanks

[bitchie] you’re welcome sweet cheeks

[bevvy] “sweet cheeks” i-

[bitchie] which cheeks am i referring to? ;)

[edwardo] OHMYGOD

[bitchie] ; )

-

[slut club]

[5:16PM]

[billiam] HELP ME

[benis] uh

[benis] explain? please?

[billiam] RICHIE JUST CAME INTO MY ROOM WITH SHAMPOO IN HIS MOUTH AND FROM THE BATHROOM EDDIE WAS LAUGHING SO HARD SND RICHIE RAN INTO THE BATHROOM SND VIOLENTLY THREW UP WHILE EDDIE SHOUTED “oh my god!!”

[bevvy] i think i actually pissed my pants 

[bevvy] i heard it go down from bills room i’m just vibing while richie yells at eddie

[farm papi] how... did he get shampoo in his mouth?????

[billiam] HE SAYS HE DOESNT REMEMBER 

[bitchie] i don’t 

[edwardo] IM SO SORRY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 

[twitter stan] Eddie,

[edwardo] yes i am eddie

[twitter stan] Did you pour shampoo into Richie’s mouth?

[edwardo] no.

[billiam] HE DID

[billiam] HES GUILTY I CAN SMELL THE GUILT

[bitchie] stop sniffing my mans, bill

[bitchie] all i taste is vomit and shampoo

[benis] please, my gut hurts from laughing so hard guys

[bitchie] eds may have force fed me shampoo but now our bond is stronger than ever

[edwardo] IT. WAS. AN. ACCIDENT.

[edwardo] YOU WERE THE ONE WHO OPENED YOUR MOUTH AS I WAS SQUIRTING THE SHAMPOO AROUND THE ROOM

[bitchie] that may b true....

[benis] is there a but coming???

[bitchie] nope

[bevvy] i hate it here

[edwardo] you love us

[bevvy] god you’re so right

[bitchie] my throat stings

[twitter stan] I wonder why that is, Rich.

[bitchie] yeah me too

[bitchie] it’s a mystery to everybody i guess

[bevvy] don’t say that word

[bitchie] bitch what? what word??

[bevvy] ... mystery *shudders*

[bevvy] like mystery of love 🥺

[bitchie] bev, you know i love you right? 

[bevvy] obvi

[bitchie] but babes, u gotta get over that movie 

[farm papi] oh god here it comes

[bevvy] how DARE you

[bevvy] i will NEVER get over call me by your name

[bitchie] i expected nothing less

[bevvy] good

[bevvy] don’t e v e r tell me to get over cmbyn. i simply cannot 

[bevvy] elio deserves only good things

[edwardo] he fucked a peach tho, bev

[bevvy] and??? 

[bevvy] it was only a minor moment of weakness

[bevvy] i can overlook it

[bevvy] but i just cannot overlook this slander i am experiencing 

[bitchie] i-

[bitchie] beverly pls stop ill piss in ur fish tank

[bevvy] i don’t have a fish tank???

[bitchie] yes u do;)

[bevvy] what?

[bitchie] ur...... puss-

[bevvy] wAIT

[bevvy]oHMYFUCKING GOD U PISS GREMLIN U FUCKING WALKING NUTSACK

[bitchie] oh yeah bev, insult me more 🥵

[bevvy] that block button is looking so mf sexy rn

[bitchie] that’s not the only thing ;)

[bevvy] blocked

[bitchie] ;)

[bevvy] b l o C K E D

[benis] back off my girl, trashmouth >:(

[bitchie] ur right i’m so sorry

[bitchie] i got so lost in her eyes i forgot i was gay for a sec

[benis] this... this is why i love this groupchat

[twitter stan] It seems like you’re the only one.

[bitchie] smh my head

[twitter stan] Stop. It’s just smh, you don’t need to add “my head”.

[bitchie] smh my fucking head stanny

[twitter stan] I can never win with you, can i?

[bitchie] nobody can stan the man with the big boy plan

[farm papi] w h a t

[twitter stan] At this point, i’ve learned to stop asking.

[farm papi] that is extremely reasonable 

[twitter stan] Exactly.

[bitchie] rude

-

[slut club]

[8:39PM]

[twitter stan] So, Bev is teaching us to throw it back while she makes oatmeal.

[benis] that’s my girl :)

[benis] she already taught me in a denny’s parking lot

[edwardo] is that

[edwardo] is that a joke 

[bevvy] nope :)

[bitchie] i read that n was like “that’s beverly for ya” 

[bevvy] i am the MASTER of throwing it back

[edwardo] beverly ‘master of throwing it back’ marsh

[benis] it’s true, she really is

[bitchie] gross

[benis] not like that!! your mind is so dirty dude

[bitchie] it’s a major part of my personality 

[farm papi] mm true

[edwardo] WAIT DID YALL SEE THE WAY STAN JUST THREW IT BACK

[bitchie] stan what the fuck is your secret

[bitchie] bcos when i throw it back it does NOT look that graceful

[bitchie] i look like i’m trying to kick behind me like a horse

[twitter stan] I don’t know what to tell you dude, i’m just that talented.

[bitchie] god he’s right guys 

[bitchie] he’s too advanced for bevs throwing it back classes

[bevvy] OH FUCK I BURNED MY OATMELAD

[bitchie] oatmelad 

[billiam] oatmelad 

[bevvy] guys, with all due respect, shut the fuck up

[bevvy] my oatmeal is dead and you’re making fun of me

[bevvy] some world we live in

[edwardo] bev, you can just remake it

[bevvy] i know i can jUsT rEmAke iT eddie

[bevvy] shut up it’s not the same :(

[edwardo] jfc

[billiam] first you guys get shampoo all over my bathroom, and now you guys burn fucking oatmeal in my kitchen i’m gonna riot

[bitchie] sux to b u loser

[billiam] let’s take this to court, whore

[bitchie] alr i’ll see you there with a sexy ass threatening lawyer

[billiam] sometimes i hate it here

[bitchie] completely understandable 

-

[slut club]

[10:18PM]

[bevvy] i would let the fox from zootopia call me sweetheart a n y d a y 🥵

[bevvy] imsorryihatemyself

[bitchie] IM GONNA BLOCK YOU

[bevvy] sndhfkdhdkd i’m s o rry 

[bitchie] b l o c k e d !!

[edwardo] can we just go one day without being fucking weird i swear to god i’m gonna break many laws

[bitchie] oh do it 🥵 u kno how hot bad guys are

[edwardo] and on that note, i am gonna watch brooklyn nine nine with my phone on do not disturb

[bitchie] but eds, then how will you see my nudes :(

[bevvy] yuck!!!

[edwardo] RICHEIREUFURFUDJF

[edwardo] g o o d b y e 

-

[slut club] 

[1:18AM]

[bitchie] god nerfed me with a heroine addiction 2 make it easier on u hoes

[twitter stan] I’m begging, please stop quoting posts on Instagram and go to bed.

[bitchie] never

[bitchie] if you can’t handle me at my worst

[bitchie] then just leave now 

[bitchie] ~because it doesn’t get any better~

[farm papi] richie please go to bed skdhskdjd 

[benis] the only reason i’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality 

[bitchie] this is why ben is my favorite 

[bevvy] ben, you’re doing great honey <3

[bitchie] ew straight ppl

[bitchie] n e ways guys, toodles

[bitchie] i have to send my love a nice message for him to wake up to:)

[benis] awww

-

[richie - eddie]

[1:21AM]

[richie] went to go fuck ur mom

[richie] but the line was too long 😔

[eddie - richie]

[7:48AM]

[eddie] why.


	20. party shitter

[slut club]

[9:53PM]

[bevvy] petition to kill mike pls

[benis] no!!!

[bitchie] it’s not his fault you suck at sorry 

[bevvy] uhm yes it fucking is

[bevvy] what else could it be bitch

[bitchie] haha u got ur ass knocked back to start

[bevvy] sexism 

[farm papi] i’m sorry bev i had to :(

[bevvy] bs

[bitchie] the stakes of this game is high, but i’m higher

[edwardo] shut up and take your turn rich <3

[bitchie] ok bb:)

[bevvy] gross

[bevvy] HAHA I WON EAT MY SHIT LOSERS

[farm papi] how did you get back so fast

[bevvy] witchcraft 

[twitter stan] You know we’re still going right? And you’re just gonna have to watch, so you sorta lost lol.

[bevvy] fuck off stan let me soak in my victory

[twitter stan] Sure.

[bitchie] suck my juicy cock i won 

[billiam] you cheated

[bitchie] did not

[billiam] did too

[bitchie] did not

[billiam] did too

[bevvy] stop 

[bitchie] fine. party pooper

[bevvy] actually i prefer the term party shitter

[bevvy] i mean i have some class rich

[bitchie] my bad party shitter

[bevvy] thank you 

[edwardo] i saw you cheat rich, you’re not slick

[bitchie] i am when you need me to be;)

[edwardo] s T O P

[bitchie] okay, secret message i see you ;)

[edwardo] i’m gonna shove the board pieces down your throat

[bitchie] i’d prefer something else shoved down my throat but i’ll take what i can get ig

[edwardo] goodnight

[bitchie] wait no i’m sorry 

[bevvy] ur a fucking cheater!!! 

[bitchie] i wudve won n e way

[benis] maybe so but you lied about the card you got

[bitchie] i never went out to say i got a three

[bitchie] i just moved three

[bevvy] YOU GOT AN ELEVEN OR SWITCH SPACES N I WAS LIKE DID YOU GET A THREE? I DONT SEE IT IN THE PILE AND YOJ SAID YEAH AND PRETENDED TO LOOK FOR THE CSRD MOTHERFUCKER

[bitchie] okay and??? your point???

[bevvy] my point is i hate you and i’m never playing a game with you ever again

[bitchie] does ur ass hurt?

[bevvy] bitch

[bitchie] bcOS U JUST GOT SPANKED BY MY AMAZING SORRY SKILLS

[bevvy] i’m gonna rip your teeth out

[bitchie] id like to see you try

[bevvy] oh i will

[bitchie] and while you sit and wallow with misery i’m gonna be celebrating my awesome win

[twitter stan] Did you forget Bev won first?

[bitchie] as ben once said, “i pretend not to see things i don’t ~vibe~ with”

[bitchie] so yes

[billiam] we’re never gonna play a board game with you ever again

[benis] mm yeah 

[edwardo] mm yeah

[bevvy] mm yeah

[farm papi] mm yeah

[twitter stan] mm yeah

[bitchie] butthurt motherfuckers i swear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go make sure to read my new onshot abt this chapter if u haven’t! kudos n comments are vv much appreciated xoxo


	21. foot condom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [edwardo] mmm
> 
> [edwardo] bagul 
> 
> [bitchie] mmm
> 
> [bitchie] cryeam cheesse

[slut club]

[2:32AM]

[bitchie] fellas

[bitchie] is it gay..

[billiam] yes

[bitchie] to kiss a homie on the lips if you’re wearing socks

[twitter stan] Not if you say no homo first. It cancels it out.

[bitchie] but what if the socks

[bitchie] are condoms on ur feet

[bevvy] richie

[bevvy] are you wearing fucking condoms on your feet

[bitchie] no

[bitchie] it’s a condom

[bitchie] singular

[twitter stan] Where the fuck did you get condoms?

[edwardo] we found them

[bevvy] and more importantly, why the fuck are you wearing a condom on your foot

[bitchie] we found them 

[bitchie] and didn’t want them to go to waste

[bevvy] jfc

[farm papi] i was just tryna sleep bro

[farm papi] i don’t wanna be rude but y’all are annoying god bless 🙏

[benis] the question is

[benis] is there any way they would do this sober

[bitchie] gasp! i would never drink bennifer!!

[bitchie changed ‘benis’ name to ‘bennifer’!]

[bennifer] i’m talking about .... 🍃💨

[bitchie] oh

[bitchie] in that case

[bitchie] possibly

[edwardo] don’t fucking expose us to the groupchat 

[edwardo] they cant know i’m high

[bitchie] well now they fucking know

[bitchie] good going eds

[edwardo] it’s not my fucking fault

[edwardo] you were the one who was like “hey! let’s smoke a full bowl at two am!”

[bitchie] when you have three bowls for breakfast but only one of them is cereal

[bitchie] kerchow 

[twitter stan] Go. To. Bed.

[bitchie] never

[bitchie] weed never sleeps stanny

[edwardo] yeah! stanny

[billiam] can we ever have one peaceful day in this groupchat

[bitchie] no

[bevvy] that’s what you get for being a willing member of slut club

[billiam] n o n e of this was willingly bev

[bevvy] ...u right

[edwardo] yo dude was that a fucking car

[bitchie] oh god they know

[edwardo] typing has never been harder

[edwardo] my fingers have been replaced with sausage links 

[bitchie] can i have a bite

[edwardo] ;)

[bevvy] ohmygOD

[bevvy] go!! to!!!!! sleep!!!!!!

[bitchie] when we all fall asleep where do we go 

[edwardo] i lovb billes elish 

[bitchie] no seriously 

[bitchie] where the FUCK do we go 

[twitter stan] To bed.

[bitchie] i kovs you 

[twitter stan] I kovs you too, Richie. But seriously, get some sleep

[bitchie] weed never sleeps

[edwardo] you already said that

[bitchie] oh fuck i did

[bitchie] help 

[bitchie] my room smells like straight up WEED

[edwardo] oh fuck, your parents are gonna know

[bevvy] definitely 

[bitchie] i will be passing away

[edwardo] rip

[bitchie] thank u

[edwardo] you’re welcome:)

[bitchie] i’m so high

[farm papi] we know dude

[farm papi] you keep sending us voice recordings and videos of you and eddie giggling at your lamp 

[bitchie] i have??

[edwardo] since when did rich have a fucking lmao in his too m

[bevvy] TOO M

[billiam] lmao 

[edwardo] lamp**

[edwardo] room***

[edwardo] help 

[edwardo] my fingers fell off i have only nubs

[bevvy] i h8 u 

[bevvy] sleep!!!!!!!

[edwardo] i want food 

[bitchie] yo me too!!! let’s get bagels

[edwardo] DO YOU HAVE THE GOOD CREAMCHEAZE

[bitchie] I GOT ALL THE CHESe

[billiam] what the fuck

[bevvy] honestly i’m just shocked, offended, betrayed, that they would get high without me

[twitter stan] Honestly, me too a little bit.

[billiam] what are you? fucking s t o n e r s ?

[bevvy] only a little bit

[bennifer] i think they died

[bennifer] they’ve been weirdly quiet

[farm papi] ^^^

[edwardo] mmm

[edwardo] bagul 

[bitchie] mmm

[bitchie] cryeam cheesse 

[bevvy] i simply cannot

[bevvy] good day 

[bitchie] i think i’ve peed my pants

[twitter stan] Nothing could’ve prepared me for receiving that text.

[farm papi] i second that

[bennifer] i third it

[bevvy] i second that

[bevvy] oh wait fuck

[edwardo] i seventh that

[edwardo] i am currently unable to count

[edwardo] i am gone

[edwardo] goodbye

[bitchie] i think i just high fived god

[bitchie] oop 

[bitchie] eddie just passed tf out

[bitchie] guess i’m next!!

[bitchie] goodnight lobsers!!

[bevvy] lobsers i-

[bevvy] i am going to b e d

[billiam] me fucking too

[billiam] peace 

-

[slut club]

[11:38AM]

[bitchie] WHY IS THERE A SINGLE CONDOM ON MY FOOT

[bitchie] what the fUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

[twitter stan] Go reread the chat.

[bevvy] like it’s the morning paper 

[bitchie] oh 

[bitchie] my

[bitchie] god


	22. momboinker69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [mr urine] Die.
> 
> [momboinker69] gladly!

[slut club]

[5:34PM]

[bennifer] if i had a car y’know what id do?

[bitchie] crash?

[bennifer] wow.

[twitter stan] You did not fucking hesitate.

[edwardo] you ended his whole career

[bevvy] richie did not miss a fucking beat

[bitchie] sorry what were you gonna say?

[bennifer] it’s too late

[bennifer] the damage has been done. i don’t even wanna say it now >:(

[bitchie] ok fine drama queen 

[bennifer] okay if you really wanna know! if i had a car i’d have a box of capri sun in it at all times

[bitchie] thank u for that benny

[bennifer] yes of course

[billiam] thank you ben very cool

[farm papi] but the real question is.... which flavor?

[bennifer] fruit punch, obviously 

[farm papi] hell yes 🙏

-

[slut club] 

[6:48PM]

[edwardo] somebody take me fucking home

[edwardo] i hate it here so much

[bennifer] lol where are you??

[edwardo] richies house 😔

[edwardo] he’s playing fortnite and bevs listening to come on eileen

[bevvy] it’s a fucking classic sorry you’ve got a massive stick up ur ass

[edwardo] i-

[edwardo] i’m fucking leaving. i just found out richies fortnite name is momboinker69

[bitchie changed their name to ‘momboinker69’!]

[billiam] oh god he’s been summoned

[momboinker69] ;)

[momboinker69] it’s name changing time bitches!!!!

[bennifer] oh no

[momboinker69] except 4 u benny boy cos ur name jus got changed:)

[bennifer] thank god ive been spared

[momboinker] for now;)

[momboinker69 changed ‘bevvy’s’ name to ‘molly ringwald’!]

[molly ringwald] wow.

[molly ringwald] 10/10 originality

[momboinker69] i know right ????

[momboinker changed ‘farm papi’s’ name to ‘chicken tender’!]

[momboinker69] get it???? cos u tend to chickens

[chicken tender] yes, thank you richie 

[momboinker69 changed ‘billiam’s’ name to ‘denbro’!]

[denbro] i’m gonna kill you and fortnite dance over your rotting corpse 

[momboinker69] i’m really feeling the love guys 🥰

[molly ringwald] that’s crazy cos i don’t remember any of us giving u love in the first place

[momboinker69] thanks! i love you guys too!!

[momboinker69 changed ‘twitter stan’s’ name to ‘mr urine’!]

[mr urine] I am laughing so hard. Can you tell?

[momboinker69] based on the fact that i cant see you, no i cannot fucking tell, mr. urine

[mr urine] Die.

[momboinker69] gladly!

[edwardo] nO!

[momboinker69 changed ‘edwardo’s’ name to ‘wheezy’!]

[molly ringwald] he defends ur honor n this is how u repay him???

[wheezy] i’m glad tho cause he fucking misspelled eduardo 

[momboinker69] it was on purpose 

[wheezy] iT wAs oN pUrPOsE!1!1! stfu

[momboinker69] bitch. ur literally cuddled up on me like a fucking cat

[wheezy] mayb cos i love u jfc

[momboinker69] uno reverse card

[molly ringwald] theyre gay your honor 

[chicken tender] truth


	23. it’s ya boy lil timmy t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [mr urine] Not for one second, can you two stop talking about Call Me By Your Name.
> 
> [momboinker69] you may be right there stanley, but 
> 
> [mr urine] But??
> 
> [momboinker69] yeah no i got nothin to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter is basically just bout call me by your name oopsies! it contains spoilers so if u plan to watch the movie u might not wanna read :)

[slut club]

[3:10PM]

[bennifer] bev, you know i love you right?

[molly ringwald] uhm

[molly ringwald] yeah?

[bennifer] but i can’t keep watching call me by your name everytime we hang out

[molly ringwald] are you serious 

[momboinker69] did we just witness a breakup???

[bennifer] i understand you love that movie, but if i see timothee chalamet’s face one more time i’m gonna bash my head against a wall

[denbro] sksjskdjjs b e n

[mr urine] Woah, dude. What the fuck do you have against Timothee Chalamet?

[bennifer] nothing!

[momboinker69] u got personal beef wit that guy or something??

[bennifer] i just cannot stand seeing him stick his dick inside a peach almost weekly

[molly ringwald] i cannot believe this. the man of my dreams can’t stand the other man of my dreams??

[bennifer] i’m sorry but he looks like a bicycle seat

[momboinker69] the only bike i wanna ride

[wheezy] ....

[wheezy] ^^^^

[chicken tender] ^^^^

[molly ringwald] ^^^^

[bennifer] he looks like a toddler. i could beat him in a fight

[molly ringwald] when bae finds out about ur side hoe 😩🤪

[momboinker69] never say b*e in this groupchat e v e r again 

[denbro] but ben lowkey right doe👀

[mr urine] He looks like a tree. But like, in a sexy sort of way.

[wheezy] can we end this conversation 

[momboinker69] not when we’re talking about lil timmy tim

[wheezy] it’s ya boy lil timmy t

[momboinker69] marry me

[wheezy] i’ll sleep on it

[molly ringwald] ur gay we get it 

[molly ringwald] but benny babe, i’m sorry :( i’ll watch cmbyn on my own private time ;)

[bennifer] i honestly do not like what the winky face implies 

[molly ringwald] ;)

-

[slut club]

[2:15AM]

[molly ringwald] I AM NOT OKAY

[molly ringwald] 🥺

[molly ringwald] richies snapchat made me cry 

[mr urine] What??

[momboinker69] THEY LOVED EACHOTHER SO MUCH

[molly ringwald] BRUHHH

[molly ringwald] HE LOVED HIM SO MUCH

[momboinker69] U CAN SEE HIM BREAK WHEN HE SAYS HES GETTING MARRIED

[molly ringwald] MAN FUCK OLIVER I HATE THAT USED CUM RAG

[molly ringwald] LIKE HIS EYES

[momboinker69] IM SO HEARTBROKEN 

[molly ringwald] U CNA SEE HIS HREKA BREAK THROUGH THE EYES

[molly ringwald] IT BREAKS MY HEART

[momboinker69] THEY LOVED EACHOTHER SO FUCKING MUCH

[momboinker69] hreka

[molly ringwald] shut the fuck up

[momboinker69] no

[molly ringwald] nO

[molly ringwald] man fuck oliver

[molly ringwald] u wud

[momboinker69] i-

[momboinker69] i totally would tho 

[momboinker69] bUT U WOULD TOO DONT DENY IT

[molly ringwald] we are not talking about me here!!!

[molly ringwald] but yes

[molly ringwald] i would

[mr urine] Not for one second, can you two stop talking about Call Me By Your Name.

[momboinker69] you may be right there stanley, but 

[mr urine] But??

[momboinker69] yeah no i got nothin to say 

[bennifer] now what was i jUST sayin

[molly ringwald] u love us and our love our cmbyn 

[bennifer] ugh i do 😔

[momboinker69] jeez ben don’t sound too excited 

[bennifer] thanks:) i won’t :)

[momboinker69] wow.


	24. #billdenbroughisoverparty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [chicken tender] #canceled 
> 
> [molly ringwald] #billdenbroughisoverparty
> 
> [denbro] rt

[eddie - ben]

[1:44PM]

[eddie] so like, i was over at richie’s and he forced me to download fortnite and once i left i made my name momboinker420 to yknow, match his.

[ben] aww!! that’s so cute! but i feel like this wasn’t meant for me?

[eddie] ...

[eddie] all these fucking B names jfc

[eddie] be right back, let me go text the RIGHT person

[eddie] love ya ben!

[ben] lmao love you too eddie

-

[eddie - beverly] 

[1:46PM]

[eddie] i accidentally texted ben this when i meant to text you bill, but i was with richie the earlier and he made me download fortnite and when i left i made my user momboinker420 so we could match :)

[beverly] awwww🥰

[beverly] (still isn’t bill btw)

[eddie] are you fUCKIN KIDDING ME

[eddie] alright see you later gonna go throw myself into oncoming traffic

[beverly] noooo don’t throw urself into oncoming traffic ur so sexy haha

[beverly took a screenshot!]

[eddie] bEV NO

[beverly] too late :)

-

[slut club]

[1:51PM]

[molly ringwald sent a photo!]

[molly ringwald] haha exposed b i t c h

[molly ringwald] i b exposing bitches left and right

[wheezy] you’re gonna fuel rich’s ego

[molly ringwald] that’s the plan hun :)

[denbro] HAHHSJSHDHD

[momboinker69] awe :) u wuvvvv me 

[wheezy] do not

[momboinker69] do too

[wheezy] yeah you got me there

[bennifer] a modern day love story ☺️

[denbro] ugh

[denbro] the gays r at it again

[momboinker69] breaking news! william denbrough exposed for being homophobic on main!!

[denbro] damn right rich

[chicken tender] #canceled 

[molly ringwald] #billdenbroughisoverparty

[denbro] rt

-

[slut club]

[10:38PM]

[molly ringwald] hey rich, yknow how earlier we uh... 🍃💨?

[momboinker69] uhm yeah???????

[molly ringwald] well i forgot to remind u ur mom called while we were high asf

[momboinker69] ... did i answer????

[molly ringwald] yes lmfaoo 

[molly ringwald] but she knew

[molly ringwald] you started giggling when she asked if you’d be home for dinner and said “no can do’svile baby doll”

[momboinker69] damn who fuckin knew when i’m high i’d quote how i met your mother 

[momboinker69] also the fact that i do not remember getting home probably made her know i was high 

[momboinker69] she asked if i walked home or u dropped me off n i’m pretty sure i said “i have no idea, but it’s food time” and raided our pantry 

[molly ringwald] i- 

[mr urine] Richard Tozier, you truly are a menace to society.

[momboinker69] tell me somethin i don’t know stanthoy

[mr urine] Never call me that again.

[momboinker69] mmm no promises


	25. truth hurts don’t it bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [wheezy] wow 
> 
> [wheezy] rich?
> 
> [momboinker69] homophobia?
> 
> [wheezy] homophobia.

[slut club]

[2:04AM]

[molly ringwald] do y’all wanna see the funniest fucking video in my entire camera roll

[wheezy] of course 

[mr urine] I think i know what this video is. But yes.

[molly ringwald sent a video!]

[momboinker69] should i watch it with my mom around or go to my room

[molly ringwald] go. leave.

[molly ringwald] do n o t watch it with your mom near u

[wheezy] why the fuck is your mom awake rich? it’s like 2 am

[momboinker69] because she’s HIP

[momboinker69] shes also taking buzzfeed quizzes so u kno how it b

[wheezy] ahh i see. icon behavior 

[momboinker69] why tf did i have to be alone to watch this? it’s just you and stanley singing truth hurts in your car

[wheezy] yeah 

[momboinker69] and stan whispering something to bev that i couldn’t hear

[mr urine] It was boiling hot tea that your young virgin ears couldn’t handle.

[momboinker69] wow i do not give off virgin vibes

[wheezy] no you kinda do actually

[momboinker69] my own boyfriend? some world we live in 

[molly ringwald] truth hurts don’t it bitch

[denbro] THE WAY BEVS FACE CHANGES WHEN STAN WHISPERS TO HER I-

[molly ringwald] piping hot tea was spilt that day

[mr urine] I miss that. :(

[molly ringwald] when we got mcdonald’s? that slapped so hard

[mr urine] It truly did.

[mr urine] And when you were too high to speak to them so i had to order for us.

[momboiner69] sUrE 

[momboinker69] just keep talking about ur awesome adventures that none of us were there to see it 😔

[molly ringwald] actually ben was there too. he just wasn’t in the video

[chicken tender] i was there also

[denbro] yeah so was i

[denbro] i was just too high to remember any of it 

[wheezy] wow 

[wheezy] rich?

[momboinker69] homophobia?

[wheezy] homophobia.

[molly ringwald] U CSNT KEEP SAYING HOMOPHOBIA EVERYTIME UR SALTY

[wheezy] richie i think this is.....

[momboinker69] homophobia!!

[molly ringwald] i hate y’all goodnight


	26. moana guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [wheezy] it’s a mystery i guess
> 
> [denbro] here we go
> 
> [molly ringwald] LIKE MYSTERY OF LOVE

[slut club]

[4:20AM]

[momboinker69] happy holidays boys 

[momboinker69] to celebrate, i have put on my weed socks and i am listening to super bass 

[molly ringwald] my king

[momboinker69] this one is for the boys with the boomin system top down ac with the cooling system when he come up in the club he be blazing up got stacks on deck like he savin up and he ill he real he might gotta deal he poo bottles and he got the right kinda build he cold he dope he might sell coke he always in the air but he never fly coach he a motherfucking trip trip sailor of the ship ship when he make it drip drip kiss him on the lip lip that’s the kinda dude i was looking for and yes you’ll get slapped if your lookin hoe i said excuse me you’re a hell of a guy i mean my my my my youre like pelican fly i mean you’re so shy and im lovin your tie you’re slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye oh yes i did yes i did somebody please tell him who the eff i is i am nicki minaj i mack them dudes up back coupes up and chuck the deuce up boy you got my heartbeat runnin away beatin like a drum and it’s comin your way can’t you hear that boom badoom boom boom badoom boom bass he got that super bass boom badoom boom boom badoom boom bass yeah that’s the super bass 

[denbro] “he poo bottles”

[wheezy] he poo bottles

[molly ringwald] he poo bottles

[momboinker69] CAN YALL LET ME LIVE

[momboinker68] IT WAS A TYPO

[molly ringwald no. we love to watch u suffer

[momboinker69] straight up fucking disrespect 

[momboinker69] also maui

[momboinker69] he packin or naw?

[molly ringwald] why would u ruin the lords day by talking about moana guys dick

[wheezy] excuse me bev, his name is maui not fucking moana guy 

[molly ringwald] sOrRy

[molly ringwald] but in all fairness, he prolly ain’t packin heat 

[momboinker69] exactly he probs got a chode or some shit

[wheezy] can we stop 

[wheezy] i just wanna enjoy my holiday and weed in piece 

[momboinker69] ooo can i join? ;)

[wheezy] you’re literally rolling the joint what the fuck do you mean 

[momboinker69] don’t expose me

[momboinker69] i’m a good little boy who would never touch marijuana let alone cannabis 

[denbro] THOSE ARE THE SAM-

[denbro] yknow what? never mind:) 

[molly ringwald] it’s not worth it bill

[wheezy] my mouth tastes like weed

[momboinker69] wow i wonder why eds

[wheezy] it’s a mystery i guess

[denbro] here we go

[molly ringwald] LIKE MYSTERY OF LOVE

[momboinker] beverly we cant keep doing this 

[molly ringwald] oh yes we fucking can 

[momboinker69] dont ruin 420 wit ur cmbyn obsession 

[molly ringwald] it’s not an obsession 

[molly ringwald] it’s just that they were so in love and made for each other but oliver didn’t deserve elio and he took their love for granted

[momboinker69] bev pls not now 😔

[molly ringwald] i’m always gonna talk about them. it’s your fault for showing me the damn movie

[momboinker69] damn ok


	27. call me a cake cos i’m baked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [wheezy] goodbye i am gone i am physically not here currently i am on another universe where you guys can not find me i’m gonna change my name to kombucha and live with the aliens
> 
> [wheezy] i’m the leader of the aliens like in that one phinesa and fern epsjode

[richie - eddie]

[5:25AM]

[richie] would u still love me if i was a worm

[eddie] wtf

[eddie] number one, why are you awake? number two, sure??

[richie] hey ur awake too u gorgeous fucknut 

[richie] and ur supposed to say no

[eddie] no?

[richie] 😔🥺😭

[eddie] please i’m begging you, go to bed and text me again when you’re not sleep deprived 

[richie] i guess i’ll never text u then 😔👊

[eddie] okay! goodnight:)

[richie] ❤️been broke 💔 so many times ⏰ i i don’t 🤷♀️know what to believe 💭 yeah 👍

[eddie] i said, g o o d n i g h t

[richie] <3

[eddie] <333

[richie] why do u always need to one up me

[eddie] because it’s so easy :)

[richie] u right 😔🤚

-

[slut club]

[6:09PM]

[momboinker] I ASKED STAN, BEV N EDS TO DO THE MACARENA AND THEYRE BLOWED ASF N THEY JUST FUCKIG DID IT IN SYNC

[momboinker69] if ur ever with ppl who are high ask them to do the macarena and i 100% guarantee u they will start doing it no questions asked

[mr urine] Its proper manners dickwad

[mr urine] What did you want me to do? start doing the cha cha slide???

[denbro] damn stan where’s ur punctuation at???

[mr urine] gone

[chicken tender] just like you:)

[mr urine] MY fingers. are disappear

[bennifer] so poetic 🙏

[molly ringwald] OLEASE THJS JS A CONVERSATION THAT JUST HAPPENED

[molly ringwald] eddie: “do i sound high?”  
richie: “speak”  
eddie: “i’m not a fucking dog”

[wheezy] i said that??? when???

[molly ringwald] liKE TWO SECONDS AGO EDDIE I-

[wheezy] slap some sprinkles on me and call me a cake cos i’m baked!!!!!

[momboinker69] dude thats fucjing genius .i love that. ur so smart. are we about to kiss rn? 😳

[molly ringwald] duude i can’t see my eyes are closed am i typoing things rightt now?

[mr urine] i think so but i’m not sure

[bennifer] take many naps, please

[bennifer] drink some water and get fresh air

[momboinker69] awww he just b like saying shit thags like.... sweet cos he cares awwwwwww

[wheezy] help

[wheezy] goodbye i am gone i am physically not here currently i am on another universe where you guys can not find me i’m gonna change my name to kombucha and live with the aliens

[wheezy] i’m the leader of the aliens like in that one phinesa and fern epsjode 

[chicken tender] did you just say you’re gonna change your name to kombucha? bitch bye 👋 

[wheezy] aw:( bye mikeyie see you later :)

[chicken tender] sjdhjdjwjx 

[momboinker69] let’s sleep 

[momboinker69] i like sleep. it’s very adequate 

[molly ringwald] yes let’s go goodbhe 

[bennifer] goodbhe guys :)

[chicken tender] yeah, goodbhe

[molly ringwald] thank u. so sweet


	28. bruv 😔

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [momboinker69] me and bev are engaged 
> 
> [momboinker69] the invites will be mailed out soon 🥰
> 
> [molly ringwald] i bought u a vape, not a wedding ring
> 
> [molly ringwald] calm down

[slut club]

[3:10AM] 

[momboinker69] i’ve made a discovery 

[molly ringwald] please share. we all love it when u have those

[mr urine] Let us speak for ourselves, Bev.

[momboinker69] wow. fuckin hurtful bruv 😔

[momboinker69] n e way

[momboinker69] i’ve found out, that after u shave off ur eyebrows, the place where they used to be become extremely smooth 

[chicken tender] you did not

[wheezy] are you fucking serious

[wheezy] is that why you had your camera facing the ceiling while you were giggling on facetime?????

[momboinker69] tehe mayb 🙈

[denbro] send pics send pics send pics send pics send pics sen-

[momboinker69 sent a photo!]

[denbro] dUDE I THOUGHT U WERE JOKING

[molly ringwald] OHMYGOD

[molly ringwald] THIS BETTER BE FUCKING PHOTOSHOPPED 

[momboinker69] sadly it is not :/

[bennifer] it looks.... very nice, rich

[momboinker] why thank u dearest benjamin

[mr urine] He could not be more clearly lying to you.

[momboinker69] let a man have dreams stan

[mr urine] Sure. 

[mr urine] Keep dreaming, maybe one day you’ll wake up.

[molly ringwald] i just spat out my orange juice on my bed, thx stan 

[wheezy] why are you drinking orange juice at three in the morning bev??

[molly ringwald] what is this? a fuckin interrogation???

[momboinker69] yeah eds, let the woman drink her goddamn oj 

[wheezy] cHiLL it was just a question 

[wheezy] that i still didn’t get an answer for

[molly ringwald] and u will not. gn

[bennifer] are we all forgetting rich shaved his eyebrows off??

[momboinker69] i live in a constant state of regret, so yes 

[bennifer] yeah okay 

-

[slut club]

[4:18PM] 

[momboinker69] me and bev are engaged 

[momboinker69] the invites will be mailed out soon 🥰

[molly ringwald] i bought u a vape, not a wedding ring

[molly ringwald] calm down 

[chicken tender] can’t wait for my save the date 💕

[momboinker69] see?? mike is the only one supportive of our deeply frowned upon, heterosexual relationship 😔

[molly ringwald] we are not getting married 🤢

[momboinker69] why???

[momboinker69] is it because i’m gay? be honest

[molly ringwald] yes 🤮

[momboinker69] i should’ve known it was gonna be a deal breaker 😔

[wheezy] i will leave this god forsaken groupchat 

[momboinker69] no u won’t

[momboinker69] u ~love~ me too much 

[wheezy] ....true


	29. capri sunds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [momboinker69] like i won’t come upstairs and turn u into soup
> 
> [momboinker69] i’m gonna turn u into soup
> 
> [mr urine] Keep your weird kinks out of the groupchat.

[slut club]

[3:13PM]

[molly ringwald] I WANNA BUY WEED EARRINGS

[molly ringwald] ITS A WEED LEAF

[molly ringwald] BUT IM NOT ABOUT TO ASK MY AUNT IF I CAN PURCHASE MARIJUANA EARRINGS

[molly ringwald] cos then she’ll know 

[wheezy] with all due respect, she probably already knows

[molly ringwald] where’s ur proof

[molly ringwald] lemme see

[wheezy] you came home the other day wearing sunglasses

[molly ringwald] so??? got stay protected from the sun amirite boyz

[wheezy] it was raining, bev

[molly ringwald] that don’t mean s h i t

[momboinker69] it kinda does

[momboinker69] ur not very slick

[molly ringwald] puh lease bitch

[molly ringwald] i am as slick as they come

[chicken tender] ok you have to know how wrong that sounds

[molly ringwald] i do. but i simply do not care 😤🤚

[molly ringwald] bcos i am slick as hell

[molly ringwald] and i’m amazing at talking to adults while high

[momboinker69] that’s a fat load of bullshit marsh and u know it 

[molly ringwald] bitch please

[molly ringwald] name one example

[momboinker69] the other night u stood in my pitch black kitchen with ur chest puffed out bcos u wanted to “look like o’hare air’s butlers”

[molly ringwald] what does that have to do wit me talking to adults stoned????

[momboinker69] bcos u forgot my parents were in the living room???? right next to the kitchen???? and u asked them if we could watch the lorax???????????

[molly ringwald] oh shit i did that?????

[momboinker69] yES

[momboinker69] and while we’re at this subject, let’s talk about the time u didn’t talk to my parents

[momboinker69] remember when we went to my house and my mom and dad were doing yard work and u fucking put ur hood over ur head and didn’t even say hi to them

[molly ringwald] oHMYGOD I DONT REMEMBER THAT

[momboinker69] well i do, and they do too

[momboinker69] they brought it up like right after u left they were like “bev was acting weird huh?” and i had to fucking tell them u and ben broke up bcos i was also high and couldn’t think of anything else to say

[molly ringwald] U WHAT

[momboinker69] yes but i told them u guys are back together so it’s all good

[bennifer] thanks rich, now it’s gonna be awkward next time we see your parents 

[momboinker69] well damn with that attitude it will be

[bennifer] w h a

-

[beverly - richie]

[1:11AM]

[beverly] dude

[beverly] i need help u have to come here

[richie] can’t

[richie] couch too comfy

[beverly] bro please just walk up the stairs ineed help 

[beverly] i can’t stop dancing 

[beverly] i physicallly can’t move

[beverly] loook

[beverly] at me

[beverly] omg rich ur room smellls like onioms 

[beverly] like shrek

[beverly] shrek likes onions right???

[richie] what

[beverly] help i can’t stop moving

[richie] ohmygod fine

[beverly] thanks so much bro

[beverly] my shoulders have stoped movin

[richie] i hate u 

[richie] u force me

[richie] away

[richie] bcos ur fuckin shouldlers can’t stop moving to the tune of come on eileen????????

[richie] i was so comfy bro

[richie] now my couch feels like rock

[richie] beverly stop laughing i swear to god

[beverly] DUDE

[richie] BITCH UR GINNA GET US FOUNDED

[richie] CAUGHT

[beverly] NO U

[beverly] STOP 

[richie] omg my mouth is so wet

[richie] not in a weird way 

[beverly] i forgot i got two capri sunds up here 

[richie] too much saliva

[beverly] yo 

[beverly] do u think jacksepticeye ever done weeed before?

[richie] yoooo

[richie] my fingers

[richie] ain’t feelin wright 

[beverly] WRIGHT

[beverly] dude i cant stop laughing

[richie] stopppp theyr gonnan hear u

[richie] good 

[richie] nightgtttt 

[beverly screen recorded the chat!]

[richie] rude. can’t even say gn but u go scren recoidjr to expose me 

[beverly] i’m gonna expose u

-

[slut club]

[1:22AM]

[molly ringwald sent a video!]

[momboinker69] dude

[momboinker69] aw fuck, i can’t believe u’ve done this 

[momboinker69] exposin me like a lil bitch

[momboinker69] like i won’t come upstairs and turn u into soup

[momboinker69] i’m gonna turn u into soup

[mr urine] Keep your weird kinks out of the groupchat.

[molly ringwald] that’s gross stsnnyr 

[denbro] stsnnyr 

[molly ringwald] yes. it new name. suits him. nicley 

[molly ringwald] yo how tf u spel nicely

[momboinker69] like that

[molly ringwald] thanks bro. u always got my back n shit. telling me how tospellw

[molly ringwald] u a good one

[momboinker69] scooch ur tushy over i’m comin in for sleep time!!!!

[molly ringwald] dude i’m so fuckin tired rn let’s go bitch 

[momboinker69] ok gn hoes

[molly ringwald] yes goiidnight 

[mr urine] Ah, finally, some peace and quiet. 

[denbro] amen to that 😤🙏

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also in this au quarantine n stuff doesn’t exist? bcos i feel like it wud b harder for me to write it n try to make it funny if their not seeing each other y’know?
> 
> but in real life!! stay safe n healthy boyz<3


	30. gay boy adele

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [molly ringwald] What’s ❔ the time ⏰ it’s quarter to nine 9️⃣ time to have a bath 🛁 what do you mean we’re already clean 🧼 scrub scrub scrub till the waters 💦 brown
> 
> [momboinker69] SHUT THE HELL UP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please sign petitions! or donate and go to protests if you can! research what’s going on if you haven’t already<3 
> 
> change needs to happen!! stay safe yall <333

[slut club]

[4:11PM]

[denbro] PLEASE THIS CONVERSATION I JUST WITNESSED-

[denbro] eddie: “he sounds like gay boy adele” richie: “i love gay boy adele”

[mr urine] Who... is gay boy Adele?

[denbro] harry styles 

[chicken tender] skdjskdjdj 

[molly ringwald] SIR-

[wheezy] I AM NOT WRONG

[momboinker69] SHUT UR FUCK YES U ARE

[wheezy] AM NOT

[momboinker69] BITCH-

[wheezy] HOE

[momboinker69] DUMBASS

[wheezy] CUNT

[molly ringwald] and they say romance is dead

[mr urine] And they’re right. 

[wheezy] don’t be jealous stanley! you’ll find somebody soon

[molly ringwald] BRUH-

[mr urine] <3

-

[slut club]

[12:38AM]

[mr urine] Did somebody ever go get her?

[mr urine] Or is she still dancing like a stripper?

[chicken tender] if you don’t go to bed right now-

[mr urine] I WAS GOING TO BUT SOMEBODY KEPT SPAMMING THE INSTA CHAT WITH MEMES

[momboinker69] U ENJOYED EVERY SECOND OF IT STFU STANIEL

[mr urine] Choke. <333

[momboinker69] already do ;)

[wheezy] hate u

[molly ringwald] WH

[wheezy] ;)

[momboinker69] (;

-

[slut club]

[4:23AM]

[molly ringwald] historahny❇️🦄😬en darchy😉😜💖embed e🤷♀️👁🦶and...jugHeAdD??🧚🎀🌸 and shaw knee😤🥵😳and redge E👨🦯💫🦠and MeeEeéEËe🥰😽🤪

[momboinker69] beverly bitch marsh, go tf to b e d

[molly ringwald] no❤️

[molly ringwald] i’m so glad u still don’t know my middle name

[bennethy] i know your middle name :)

[denbro] same

[wheezy] me too

[momboinker69] DOES EVERYBODY KNOW HER MIDDLE NAME BUT ME???

[molly ringwald] yeah pretty much 

[momboinker69] 😔🤚

[molly ringwald] n e wayyy

[molly ringwald] What’s ❔ the time ⏰ it’s quarter to nine 9️⃣ time to have a bath 🛁 what do you mean we’re already clean 🧼 scrub scrub scrub till the waters 💦 brown

[momboinker69] SHUT THE HELL UP

[molly ringwald] NEVER


End file.
